Full moon taking stock and readjustment (nth time, part of infinite series)

Have been down and out during this full moon phase, that I have conveniently let go of any intentions to clean and organise my things in my dorm. How bad is that? How bad is it that I have been very neglectful of my plans and to do list? What is happening? My Teacher will definitely be wary about it. Am so frustrated, three weeks behind paper works and I need to submit this paper on Thursday. Tell me about being diligent when it is hard to open my eyes in the morning and concentrate on my classes. What the . . . I thought I am diligent and all thanks a lot to my immaturity, welcome to the hell of unfulfilled dreams and unaccomplished to do lists. It’s been so long since the last time I was here.  I might stay awhile, though I know I can reverse the situation if I get my act together right away. I need to get out of this place right away.

This is how it works . . . none of them worked home. You prayed you won’t get harmed, but even if it does you will do it all again. (On the radio, Regina Spektor)

Things I learned from the last relationship are what I am practicing now in my present, but I know I have to learn a lot. Apparently, everyone is feeling a little weird this week, or am just hoping am not alone at all. My energy is waning, my ability to concentrate is suffering, my dreams are dissolving and my financial budget is non-existent at all. Thank you very much for stability and security that I’ve dreamt of each and every step of the way. WELCOME TO DISSOLVING VILLE WHERE EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH IS JUST AN ILLUSION.

So what now? Am not sure either, I read in a blog somewhere that I have to work with the energies, not fight them. If the waves took me here, then it must be where I should be. I should stop thinking and wishing for something better. I should start my Compassion Plan where everything is less (because less is more)

COMPASSION PLAN (for everyday lifestyle) SELF and OTHERS

1. Wake up 4:30am to plan, pray and write my dreams and to do list for the day.

2. Be 80% full every meal time.

3. Practice tolerance without fail, every single moment.

4. Sleep around 12 midnight. Write what I fulfilled and balance it with my original plan*. LEARN ACCEPTANCE. The road to learning acceptance is to learn to accept myself first. Perfection is not attainable, we can try though, but keeping close to the path of life that I chose is more important now.

*Be happy if one plan was accomplished. Two is excellent. Three is too much.

**The key is to edit every single day. Edit without fail. Try without fail. Recognise wisdom. Learn humility every single moment. BE MINDFUL EVERY SINGLE MOMENT.

I need structure right now, but am sure it’s not the most solid of structures if I start building now. Things need to be reviewed, revised, reassessed and reconsidered. Writing is editing as said by my good teacher, Armando Lao, as with life, we have to keep on living and learning. Learning is the editing part, very difficult, we must be diligent. We must keep learning, slow and steady to integrate the knowledge. Keep faith. Keep on writing. Keep on living. Keep on trying every single moment. And if in case what happens is the opposite of what I dreamt of and planned for, I have plenty of space for adjustments. After all I am a student of life; I have my whole lifetime to learn.