Interchange #15

There are songs written to make us feel heavy and heartfelt emotions

There are songs written to make us feel light and free

There are songs written to make us feel jubilant 

There are songs written to make us feel reflective

There are songs written to make us feel sorrowful

There are songs written to make us take action

There are songs written to make us cry

There are songs written to make us smile 

Then there is this song,

for this kind 

of 

day

Como Yo Te Amo | Kalimba

... a puro grito y en silencio ...

Interchange #14

Posting something to lift the mood.

It is nice video of the Fab Four with this quintessential positive song composed by George.

We are currently facing a typhoon, but we still need to keep our own sun shining inside our hearts.

Here Comes the Sun

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here

Here comes the sun, do, dun, do, do
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's all right

Dark, Light and abolishing of duality

Today the sky is gloomy, mostly overcast with strong howling winds, coupled with terrible downpour. It was how the day started and it looks like it is how it will end too. It's not surprising to note that the sun rarely made itself visible, if at all, today. Times like these I worry about low lying flood prone areas, I pray that the people could take shelter to a safer and warmer place. Sadly, due to the imbalance in nature these strong category typhoons and instant flooding would be the norm. And of course, we are also in the midst of a pandemic, so sometimes I wonder how we can survive these almost impossible levels of calamities that befall our generation.

However, in this age of mute darkness we are somehow keenly forced to search and eventually appreciate the flimsy flicker of light. I remember in color theory (when I was still studying black and white photography eons ago) an object is called black/dark if it only absorbs light, while a white/bright object is known to reflect most colors. The theory suggests that in a setting of photography, there are three main players: the source of light, the object and the camera (which is our eyes). Hence, in this system the eyes only see the object in connection to the light it is reflecting. In reality, we cannot really see everything about the object, only how it plays with the light and it depends on our angle and distance from the object. In short, there are so many things at play in this setting, so many things to consider, photography is really not simple at all. It further explains that our brain and eyes are wired to see the contrast, we don't see what it is, we see what it isn't. For example, the room is bright, because there is absence of dark, taking this further, blue is the absence of yellow, green is the absence of red, hence there is what we call the forbidden colors blue-yellow, red-green. These color pairings automatically cancel each other out in the human eye, it is said that it is impossible to see them simultaneously because of the neurons in our eyes where red light exactly cancels the effect of green light (so with yellow and blue): try imagining reddish green or yellowish blue? Hope your brain won't go berserk.

However, visual scientists Crane and Piantida published a paper called "On Seeing Reddish Green and Yellowish Blue," in 1983 they argued that these colors were realizable and even glorious to behold. They conducted experiments with artists who have integrity in color vocabulary and as a conclusion some of them perceived the combination of these forbidden colors, the answer lies in knowing how to look at them in the right way, but not everybody can achieve that. Those who successfully found the colors combined said that there was blurring of the boundaries between those two colors and that the colors seem to flood into each other. 

For others to experience such glorious color combination, there were a lot of scientific experiments dedicated to the refinement of method, but the scientists' ultimate answer is that it must be actually about abolishing the competitive cancelling of neurons between the forbidden colors.

I can't really explain this so well, but my point is our vision, based on scientific fact, can only go so far because we are largely basing it on the power of neurons which can actually cancel each other out. Maybe, to finally find the flicker of light in a space of darkness, we must try to cultivate something inside of us that can abolish the seemingly duality of color. That maybe, there was no duality at all, maybe it is all one and the same, but that largely doesn't fall easily to our rational brains. 

Okay, I might have lost my train of thought in this one, and it is actually difficult to make a thesis out of it, but what I am saying maybe is that darkness has a lot of potential for light, but we have to change/transform something inside of us to find that elusive holy grail of flimsy flicker of light.

Interchange #13

A day in a life of a Montessori educated young student.

Some notes:

Maria Montessori developed this pedagogy for poor children of factory workers in Rome. 

Students from an early age are taught: self-discipline, self-initiative and peer-involvement

At the end of the video, we can see the kids dressing up to go out and play. I love how they incorporated Naturalist pedagogy in their daily schedule.

Random-ness

It is just weeks into this grueling month but I feel deeply exhausted. The online classes with students are not easy at all, especially the paper work and all the scheduling. My time is very limited now, but my mind is equally conjuring different systems to make work more efficient. Sometimes, I've got a thousand things going on, incubating in my mind, I wonder how I keep my thread of sanity intact these days.

***

There are moments of clarity but then there are moments of extreme disconnect in my mind. I was so good at multi-tasking before, now it feels like I have to jumpstart my mind more often than not, is it the effect of the break given to us by the pandemic? The old selves were shed and we are now in the brave new world of the new self?

***

I don't know about other girls, but I find brooding men very sexy. However, there should be a limit to brooding, there should be a balance to being broody and being sweet. I don't know if it is natural for to men know how to balance it, but they should really find that fine line to make their women more into them. 

***

Sometimes, when you found a good student, you will finally have a reason to celebrate. It is like this, for example, you found a really interesting book but the book is a bit difficult for some other students so you don't use it with them. Days passed by and days turned into months, you still couldn't find that student who will perfectly understand that book, so you forgot about that book. But somehow eventually you come across a good student and in a quick moment of sweeping epiphany you realize 'so this is why I got that special book, it belongs to that one of a kind student'. Happy ending for both the book and the student.

***
I wonder why dreams are more vivid when I am under pressure. They are longer too. But I can't remember them anymore when I wake up.

***

I get bone-tired but when it rains, it is like my worries and tiredness were all washed away. Thank you rainfall. But please don't be too harsh and don't dump too much water, we pray that you will just give us enough water so our reservoir and dams will be filled up to tide us over to next year.

***

When can we go to the beach? I miss sitting on the sand and just watch the surf come and go. I miss being under the night sky while listening to the dance of the waves. When?

Interchange #12

Still the same feeling, amazing how some songs are like time capsules, they keep the feeling alive in us once we play them. 

Hurt | Nine Inch Nails

Into the darkness, I dive

Lately, I have been feeling deeply ungrounded. It's me being unfit for human company. I really need to dive deeply inside, to find what's bothering me. But of course, this feeling of just hiding under to hibernate for a very long time is not new to me at all. It has been happening like a cycle to me since childhood but I remember being more aware of it during teenage years, more particularly college time. 

It happened during creative time, perhaps a better idea would be nearing finals. Those dates otherwise known as hell week in the university. Those were times when classes were dismissed by the professors so students can spend more time in the library doing research or in the workshop (sometimes photoshoot, editing, etc), creating something. It was a highly creative time and not to mention a highly isolating time especially for me, but it benefited me more because I don't have to face people or not forced to talk to classmates/groupmates. Coming from a small family, with only my brother to talk to or most of the time to ignore, I lived in a very conducive home environment where I was all by myself most of the time. I loved being alone from such a young age, I had cousins but I didn't spend time with them. I was mostly my own company and I thought that was enough. But of course I developed friendships during my elementary and highschool days and they were all wonderful classmates. Not until I developed deeper relationships in college that I learned that having a younger sister would be fun. I am not sure about having an older sister or younger brother, but maybe it would be fun too. That's the only time that I realized maybe I am missing something. Most of my friends have siblings either younger or older than them, and they said they grew up in a loud household but fun kind of loud. By contrast, I usually spent my growing up days with my lolo, mom's side, so I was exposed to the wisdom and guidance of people older than me for most of my life. But the household I was in was usually quiet, busy and lonesome. 

So when friends talk about siblings and childhood, I sometimes don't have anything to share except that I had most of my fistfights and kick fights and pillow fights with my brother. My brother and I didn't really interact so much because we had different interests except for chess and boardgames and computer games. My toys were not his toys, but sometimes I borrowed his toys. When my parents went to work and my brother started to go to school, I spent my time with my lolo, because lola died when I was much much younger. And I loved my lolo. He was such a good, loving, attentive grandfather. I was the only girl apo for the longest time, so I got most of his attention. Yeah, in my growing up life, I was mostly the only girl ~ the only daughter, unica hija. I am used to being the only girl, it must be where I got the instinct of how it feels to be the only girl in a person's life. That's why I have a keen feeling when I am not the only one, I have developed that skill from childhood (subtle warning to guys) so beware ^^

Anyways, this isolation feeling yes. It has been hovering over me for days now and I am sure it will not go away, it will stay for a long long time. My experience taught me that I should do something creative, serving as an outlet for this deep undefined feeling until I figure it out (though impossible) or until I make a tiny little bit of something out of its deep waters. Sometimes it scares me how I can be very comfortable in being alone and that I am too reluctant for anyone to be in my space. It is not easy to let anyone in when darker days are here within me. I am so used to being alone so for people who will find me weird in the coming days, well here is a side of me that abhors sharing space, but if you are comfortable with silence, or just being present but thousands of leagues away (which is actually difficult to explain) then welcome to the dark daylights of my sphere.