Gimme some lovin'

Oh, a furry hug, I want one too!

And the hug did it ^^ Oh, I am sooo happy tonight, my wish is that you gettin' the same lovin too!
Night guys <3

Better, better, better

Better days are coming, keep the faith.

*title came from the song better by regina spektor :)

My birthday week recap: Lauren and I

20120515 | I had cakes again but this time they were from Lauren ^^
She visited me after her Kalinga expedition! That busy lady, Lauren!!
She got worried about me being ill so she treated me to get well cakes, sweetness.
Also she introduced me to her new DSLR, firestone.
I adore Lauren because she is the visionary lady who believes that documenting Whang Od, the famous woman tattoo artist up in Kalinga is more than a creative pursuit, it is also one way of preserving the rich cultures and symbols of our diverse indigenous heritage in the form of the Kalinga tribes' tattoo art, which Whang Od tirelessly shares to others...
This entry comes with a wish that we finish the project feeling enriched by the vision and integrity of this creative pursuit.
I believe.

Lauren and I (old picture)

Managing the unknowable

Lesson for today: Trust intuition and learn to review and revise.

My birthday week recap: Romina and I

Cafe Mary Grace chocolate mousse

Yummy, that's the word for the day when Romina and I met up at Trinoma on Monday (May 14, 2012). She came from a surfing place and I was just recovering from my bacterial infection where my temperature reached 39 degrees celsius (hooooot!) It was a nice chat. Of course we touched base, I told her my experiences at the ER and in turn she showered me with info about surfing life! Waves, waves and more waves and she's learning to ride them, ang galeng diba! Nothing like a best friend to restore my sense of adventure after a week of anti-biotic routine and bed rest. Hay, I wonder where she's up to next?!

Mmm, that was a yummy mousse indeed.

My wandering mind and my journey to home

Hop and hop and hop and hop, repeat million times. I have never been this confused in my life. I observed myself engaging to millions of thoughts in a second, have you ever been in that kind of situation? It's not funny, it is sorely disruptive.

How can we stay focused and concentrated to a goal? How can we engage in just one cohesive thought to be able to have a productive day? Argh, I have never been this diffused. It's really weird. My thoughts are like flying petals of flowers on a flower field blown by strong winds. I cannot get a grasp of myself. Thoughts fly around, it feels like I am in front of my computer but at the same time I am like in a different place altogether. The sad part is I am finishing a documentary project, I need the marriage of my two minds, the logical and the creative -- the thing is they are not even communicating to each other, they are conflicting or worst yet, they stopped cooperating with each other. Or maybe they just want to have space from each other :)

***
On a bigger level, a good news came today for me. Maybe the universe is sending me sweet gifts. Oh, I feel so blessed. I miss my home, my family ah, and my Goddesses. I think the path to go back to my home is visible through this mist. I feel so grateful that in this confusing and cloudy terrain, I am guided by pure light. Home, such sweet word. I feel like I am going back home.

My birthday week recap: Fati and I

The week before this one was super duper busy! Whew, met up with so many loyal and loving friends, all carrying good news of growth and positivity. At night before sleeping, I often think to myself how blessed I am to have such wonderful connections and stable relationships. When all else fails, I know that I shared myself and my life with the most awesome people. These friends constitute my core, I become whole because of them. And on my 26th year, I dedicate this week remembering the past week that made all the difference from my recent birthdays. In this journey of my life, I came to a point when I can say that life is more meaningful because of the genuine connection that we make with friends we meet along the way, no matter how uneasy the terrain and how bumpy the ride. And is it not worth saying that those friends who decide to stay and keep in touch during rough patches deserve our love and care and support from now until that awesome forever?!

So for my 26th year, I celebrate friendship. This is the stuff that life is made of <3

Candles show us the light!

The photo above is Buddha Day at Marikina. I and Fati were holding candles for a prayer for humanity. (May 13, 2012)

Brave New World

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.” 
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones

“Only the phoenix rises and does not descend. And everything changes. And nothing is truly lost.” 
― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 10: The Wake

“Never mind. There. For good or bad. It's done.” 
― Neil Gaiman

“...one day he would have to go home.
And one day he would have to make a home to go back to. He wondered whether home was a thing that happened to a place after a while, or if it was something that you found in the end, if you simply walked and waited and willed it long enough.” 
― Neil Gaiman, American Gods

“Trust dreams. Trust your heart, and trust your story.” 
― Neil Gaiman

Transition 101

"Have as your goal to do your best and to make a difference.
 We are in the world to make a difference,
and everything we do changes the world."

"The greatest thing in the world is not so much where we are,
but in what direction we are moving."

"Once the mind has been stretched by a new idea,
it will never again return to its original size."

Oliver Wendell Holmes

I love you chocolate!

Cuteness!

Finally Friday

Beautiful interruption.

it's been a while

sigh, i've been in and out of high fever since Sunday night, and i had finally decided to go to ER on Tuesday morning, thankfully the doctors moved so efficiently and they gave me prescription. so here i am still with puffy eyes and with fluctuating temperature resting in the countryside trying to keep my thoughts clear and document some events.

it was actually my first time to have suero, or they call it IV or dextrose. i did not cringe anymore to the thought of needles entering my blood veins, i feel too weak to worry at all. i want to express my gratitude to friends who worried about me, you're sweet guys. it was a feat, i cried so many times after the pain of needle, the little pain that promises good recovery after some hours or minutes. i got to thinking, pain could be the physical manifestation that we are indeed hurting AND that we are trying to do something about the hurt. that pain gives us many different perspective, that pain actually is a catalyst for healing. remember someone said we are hurt because we are humans, it is a defense mechanism, it is an agent for healing, it is a sign that we tried for something, uh-oh, my thoughts are drifting away, must be the meds . . . i think i mentioned before in my entry that we should learn to live with pain, and i will repeat it again, we must try to live with it, face it and hug it, let it in, this must be the only way to a fulfilling life.

a measure of pain, a measure of pleasure, a measure of service and a measure of faith, i believe that can be fulfilling life. once we experience pain, don't hide it, share it to those closest to you, those people who will never leave your side, those who will see the benefits of self honesty. as is said by a wise person, the earth sustains  and nourishes its creation. believe.

Ode to the full moon

Birthing of Venus by Boticelli

Isn't it a wonder that Venus just came into this world as a full grown lady? Mmm, during this full moon I am reflecting about my own journey as a lady and my views about the essence of being a woman. In this painting it's like the figures are celebrating in her arrival, elements are very much part of this joyous event, I can feel the wind blowing the hair of the goddess and the quiet but triumphant welcome of deep waters to the divine lady, as she stepped out of this big shell. The sturdy ground covered with green grass as well as the trees are also joining as the leaves danced in glee. What about the fire, I ask myself, mmm, maybe it's her hair. The fiery soft waves dangling from her head to her lower torso, curves and shapes, very becoming of a woman! And the red robe!

This full moon, we must remember the goddess in each of us. Just as in the painting, under the light of the moon, find the source of joy inside yourself. Feel each element celebrating as you empower yourself with the beauty that's inside you. As the light of the sun is filtered by the moon, I remind myself that change is possible and wonderful. Change, growth, birthing all key words for saying goodbye to the old and welcoming the new. I would not be surprised if Venus was born during full moon.

Journey Essentials (tres) Living with pain

Don't you feel it? The melancholy of living? Of being inexplicably so alone in a very crowded coffee shop. Page after page, picture after picture, passage after passage, I am looking for something that will spark, maybe something to remind me that I am not alone and someone is willing to teach me where to look for clues as to what life really is.

I should learn to live with this pain, I am sure it will stay for a long while. This subtle, uncontrollable and deep pain that just drive me to tears when I reflect and when I am all alone. This alone feeling. This painful feeling of detachment. Of being cut from a source. This must be the pain of living. Of inability to be honestly intimate with someone because we are hopelessly separated from the beginning. Have you ever felt pain so profound that you know you will cry every waking moment and everytime you lie on bed to sleep.

This feeling of pain that is all consuming making those plans that push you to move forward before, that make you dream, that make you feel secure is now so small compared to this intense feeling of deep detachment from the source.

 

I have this idea that when we are deeply committed to inner reflection then we can be at peace with our pains and fears. Because perhaps we realise that pains and fears are part of our wholeness. When we recognise what pains us, we can search deep within to discover/invent cure that will help mitigate it. But for now, I am trapped in pain. Melancholy. This feeling that we cannot just shoo away. And I have this feeling it will stay for quite a while.

When waking up

What to Remember When Waking
~David White~

In that first
hardly noticed
moment
to which you wake,
coming back
to this life
from the other
more secret,
moveable
and frighteningly
honest
world
where everything
began,
there is a small
opening
into the new day
which closes
the moment
you begin
your plans.

What you can plan
is too small
for you to live.

What you can live
wholeheartedly
will make plans
enough
for the vitality
hidden in your sleep.

To be human
is to become visible
while carrying
what is hidden
as a gift to others.

To remember
the other world
in this world
is to live in your
true inheritance.

You are not
a troubled guest
on this earth,
you are not
an accident
amidst other accidents
you were invited
from another and greater
night
than the one
from which
you have just emerged.

Now, looking through
the slanting light
of the morning
window toward
the mountain
presence
of everything
that can be,
what urgency
calls you to your
one love? What shape
waits in the seed
of you to grow
and spread
its branches
against a future sky?

Is it waiting
in the fertile sea?
In the trees
beyond the house?
In the life
you can imagine
for yourself?
In the open
and lovely
white page
on the waiting desk?

Happy birthday Mom

Happiness!