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| face your fear weekend |
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| before |
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| after |
Monday, May 27, 2013
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Off to north
Packing my travelling bags in a minute.
Adventure weekend! Road trip! Out there in that big unexplored north!
I will be out of town 'til Monday.
Wishing showers of stars under moonlit beach.
Lunar eclipse is just around the corner.
Love to all.
Adventure weekend! Road trip! Out there in that big unexplored north!
I will be out of town 'til Monday.
Wishing showers of stars under moonlit beach.
Lunar eclipse is just around the corner.
Love to all.
Mid-year book wishlist
Yes, this one, yes!
ps. I like the UK cover more.
also, you can find an article about it here.
And oh, this one too:
Last is:
I hope these jewels will find themselves into my bookshelf by the end of the year.
XoXo
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| UK cover |
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| US cover |
also, you can find an article about it here.
And oh, this one too:
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| ^^ |
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| Victorian style scrapbook illustration |
XoXo
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Moving sideways
“You are carrying a masterpiece hidden within you, but you are standing in the way. Just move aside…”
-Osho
-Osho
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Shift is coming
Celebrate the malleable reality
~ Jason Mraz
I read from a wise person that "In the depths of trouble we find the deepest resources we have"
I know that this is true. I believe it. But sometimes we just have a certain false idea of what is enough trouble. Sometimes fear just steps in and then we forget about faith. Now my birthday wish is that all of us will find that deepest resources within our hearts because it is just inside us all along. It will show us the path to solution, to abundance and to peace.
I have seriously considered shifting to another MA course. I do believe it is more in alignment to what I really want. If the road to greatness is full of suffering and isolation and loneliness, then I might as well follow the road that I truly want, the road worth all these pains. Greatness that resonates service and equality and harmony.
Before I end this entry, I would like to share this poem as my special gift to everyone, please find courage in these lines. I got this poem from here
~ Jason Mraz
I read from a wise person that "In the depths of trouble we find the deepest resources we have"
I know that this is true. I believe it. But sometimes we just have a certain false idea of what is enough trouble. Sometimes fear just steps in and then we forget about faith. Now my birthday wish is that all of us will find that deepest resources within our hearts because it is just inside us all along. It will show us the path to solution, to abundance and to peace.
I have seriously considered shifting to another MA course. I do believe it is more in alignment to what I really want. If the road to greatness is full of suffering and isolation and loneliness, then I might as well follow the road that I truly want, the road worth all these pains. Greatness that resonates service and equality and harmony.
Before I end this entry, I would like to share this poem as my special gift to everyone, please find courage in these lines. I got this poem from here
| Love came and emptied me of self by Abu-Said Abil-Kheir English version by Vraje Abramian |
Love came and emptied me of self,
every vein and every pore,
made into a container to be filled by the Beloved.
Of me, only a name is left,
the rest is You my Friend, my Beloved.
every vein and every pore,
made into a container to be filled by the Beloved.
Of me, only a name is left,
the rest is You my Friend, my Beloved.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Friday, May 10, 2013
O-well, eight days to go
Am turning 27 in eight days. But bahumbug, universe you have been very keen on letting me know about the adventures and misadventures that life has to offer. Maybe you need to cut some slack? ^^
But as I have been enjoying loving my vacations lately, it makes more sense if I maximize all my precious minutes in these provinces that I visit.
Well, my stars gave me one big surprise early this month and guess what, the compass points north!
***Yes sweet swans, I will be busy packing again and travelling again***
Road trip up north. Weeeheee!!
So before I go pack my travelling bag (I am getting better at it weekend after weekend) I should make a list! These bullet points are not only about my north adventures, but also I will include some random dreams (achievable or not), some advocacy, some personal accomplishments, some pretty little facts about myself as I reached my 27th mark in this big universe. So guys here:
That 1km zip line at Hannah's Resort in Pagudpud, I shall conquer you!
(but how does one ride a zip line ba? it would be my first time, just now I am getting the cold feet!
I must research ^^)
Packing my travelling bag
Lentils soup
Mediterranean Cuisine
Photography (sheesh, this term i dug up from back in the good olden days of freshie college)
Walking along beach, waves touching my feet as the sun rises up
Colored pens on planners
Vegetarian kare-kare
Sale seat tickets
Weekend getaway
Porgy and Dexter
Meditation
Bombay bicycle club and Daughter
Volunteer
Sky gazing
Odie and Allie
Century Old Houses in Vigan
Postcards and stamps
Mango bravo
gourmet garden
MA papers
french indochina
single life
career
emails, blogs, instragram and twitter
Opera mobile browser, two thumbs up
dirty ice cream at sunken
yogurt and mangoes and muesli
blueberry jam and butter and focaccia
spinach quiche
blueberry cheesecake
lemongrass ginger cucumber cooler
full moon over the beach horizon
permaculture
spica and aldebaran and regulus
panda
jogging and biking
flying
Parent's house
pallas athena, hermes morpheus and hermes thaddeus
lovelovelove
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Breaking Chains
Nineteen years ago, I knew a little lonely child.
She newly transferred to her house at the province.
She is a new student in a new school.
She is making new friends in the compound, all were her cousins.
She left her old house in the City. As well as some cherished childhood memories.
Her friends across the street. The neighbors whose voices and faces she came to know in her life of seven young years. The big grandparents house. Silong, siesta, sundo from school . . .
Her special tita who nurtured and cared for her when she was growing up.
Nobody knows that most of the time, she asks who is mother, and who is tita.
And on the day that she was to leave the City house, she cried hours and hours, huddled in her tita's tight embrace. She asked for tita to come with her, but tita said she has to stay at the City.
Silent tears flowed hours and hours, she lost track of time.
All these she left behind.
But the impact of sorrow was too much for a little girl.
That her heart just threatened to stop feeling at all.
That the ache is too sharp, too heavy.
So in the darkest, most secret of all secret places, in the old City house, she hid her heart.
She coiled it with thick chains of red and silver. Locked it with black candado.
Keeping the key deep within.
Never to unlock it again because of the mighty emotions she felt, frightening and painful and shattering.
That was her first experience of abandonment.
Crazy pain,
She never want to feel again. She. Promised. Herself.
Years passed.
She built her life. Triumphs. Failures. Lies. Betrayals. Forgiveness. Depression. Hope.
High school. College. Career. Work. Inspiration. Despair.
Now she's an adult.
She learned of more abandonment. She learned of more horrors than abandonment.
She learned of self-preservation. She learned of protective walls, of empathy and of pretending.
She learned of concealing pain. Of vulnerability. Of tears in waking up. Of tears for others.
Of tears for herself. Of tears on sleepless nights.
She learned of tightly shutting her eyes to hold back tears.
Of running to the comfort room to cry it all at once and emerge from the cubicle with strategy to let not one soul know about her hurt.
Then she learned of people who will try to dig in. Who will try to make her trust them.
Who will make her believe that affection and care can heal that badly burned empty place where heart once was.
What follows: bliss, happiness, adoration, intimacy.
Then of course: betrayal, lies, reworking, blaming, endless negotiations.
More and more abandonment. Feeling like the helpless foolish little girl again and again and again.
More and more isolation. More and more the empty space where heart once was is becoming bigger, hollower, darker, emptier, scarier, full of failed dreams, bitterness.
But the other part is -- a part of herself nurtured by faith, renewal, innocence and hope, something close to soul -- says:
1. Cutting slack of the strictness
2. More and more strength.
3. More and more attuned to herself.
More and more she realizes that to arrest the dark growth of the place where the heart once was, she has to put the heart back in it.
And now she is preparing to mount that journey.
*
During roughest bump in life, a little voice in her dreams reminded her (much like the voice of the little girl she knew 19 years ago) -- you promised.
What promise? Not to hurt again?
Maybe. Maybe not. But one thing that she knows now is that (a) these hurts propel her forward: making her realize the immediacy of decision based on fewer mistakes and self-preservation. (b)These pains are part of learning process. (c)That these cruel bitterness is what makes the good times count. And the darkness is just an invitation to reveal the light of the star stuff that the bodies are made of.
Back to the present, facing that old rusty promise; saying hello to an old friend.
Now she's an adult made stronger by tears, breakdowns, fears and doubts -- she wants to make a new promise. Immersed in the reality of life, she asks herself if it is the right time to break that old promise.
Maybe one day, she will break the chain. Baby steps. One gentle step after the other.
And she is out on a journey to find a worthy reason to free her heart again.
She newly transferred to her house at the province.
She is a new student in a new school.
She is making new friends in the compound, all were her cousins.
She left her old house in the City. As well as some cherished childhood memories.
Her friends across the street. The neighbors whose voices and faces she came to know in her life of seven young years. The big grandparents house. Silong, siesta, sundo from school . . .
Her special tita who nurtured and cared for her when she was growing up.
Nobody knows that most of the time, she asks who is mother, and who is tita.
And on the day that she was to leave the City house, she cried hours and hours, huddled in her tita's tight embrace. She asked for tita to come with her, but tita said she has to stay at the City.
Silent tears flowed hours and hours, she lost track of time.
All these she left behind.
But the impact of sorrow was too much for a little girl.
That her heart just threatened to stop feeling at all.
That the ache is too sharp, too heavy.
So in the darkest, most secret of all secret places, in the old City house, she hid her heart.
She coiled it with thick chains of red and silver. Locked it with black candado.
Keeping the key deep within.
Never to unlock it again because of the mighty emotions she felt, frightening and painful and shattering.
That was her first experience of abandonment.
Crazy pain,
She never want to feel again. She. Promised. Herself.
Years passed.
She built her life. Triumphs. Failures. Lies. Betrayals. Forgiveness. Depression. Hope.
High school. College. Career. Work. Inspiration. Despair.
Now she's an adult.
She learned of more abandonment. She learned of more horrors than abandonment.
She learned of self-preservation. She learned of protective walls, of empathy and of pretending.
She learned of concealing pain. Of vulnerability. Of tears in waking up. Of tears for others.
Of tears for herself. Of tears on sleepless nights.
She learned of tightly shutting her eyes to hold back tears.
Of running to the comfort room to cry it all at once and emerge from the cubicle with strategy to let not one soul know about her hurt.
Then she learned of people who will try to dig in. Who will try to make her trust them.
Who will make her believe that affection and care can heal that badly burned empty place where heart once was.
What follows: bliss, happiness, adoration, intimacy.
Then of course: betrayal, lies, reworking, blaming, endless negotiations.
More and more abandonment. Feeling like the helpless foolish little girl again and again and again.
More and more isolation. More and more the empty space where heart once was is becoming bigger, hollower, darker, emptier, scarier, full of failed dreams, bitterness.
But the other part is -- a part of herself nurtured by faith, renewal, innocence and hope, something close to soul -- says:
1. Cutting slack of the strictness
2. More and more strength.
3. More and more attuned to herself.
More and more she realizes that to arrest the dark growth of the place where the heart once was, she has to put the heart back in it.
And now she is preparing to mount that journey.
*
During roughest bump in life, a little voice in her dreams reminded her (much like the voice of the little girl she knew 19 years ago) -- you promised.
What promise? Not to hurt again?
Maybe. Maybe not. But one thing that she knows now is that (a) these hurts propel her forward: making her realize the immediacy of decision based on fewer mistakes and self-preservation. (b)These pains are part of learning process. (c)That these cruel bitterness is what makes the good times count. And the darkness is just an invitation to reveal the light of the star stuff that the bodies are made of.
Back to the present, facing that old rusty promise; saying hello to an old friend.
Now she's an adult made stronger by tears, breakdowns, fears and doubts -- she wants to make a new promise. Immersed in the reality of life, she asks herself if it is the right time to break that old promise.
Maybe one day, she will break the chain. Baby steps. One gentle step after the other.
And she is out on a journey to find a worthy reason to free her heart again.
Ode to pictures
Pictures are now the little golden tokens where my love and affection rest.
It reminds me of the good times, of those happy smiles that automatically curve our lips at the right moment with the right people.
It also brings back the memories of innocent wonders that excite our emotions when we arrive at a new place.
We point our cameras at certain angles.
We deem what is visually aesthetic.
And then we shoot.
Very dynamic.
Unedited.
Pure delight.
It reminds me of the good times, of those happy smiles that automatically curve our lips at the right moment with the right people.
It also brings back the memories of innocent wonders that excite our emotions when we arrive at a new place.
We point our cameras at certain angles.
We deem what is visually aesthetic.
And then we shoot.
Very dynamic.
Unedited.
Pure delight.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Random thoughts again and again
. . . the night is full of smiles,music and magic . . .
music: shuffle | bombay bicycle club
music: shuffle | bombay bicycle club
Sunday, May 5, 2013
In transit
All in all, my summer is full of adventures. I have been out of my routine (work, studies, home) for two months now. Although some days I am haunted by the blues, but most of the days I am actually getting used to it and loving it - life without pattern, just going to places I have never explored yet, learning about nature, meeting old friends, knowing new people and adding new lessons and reflections in my little life. The adventures I engaged myself into pushed me into places and situations that are not part of my usual routine: I will find myself lost in the blue ocean waves, or surfing the telly in cavite house. Or on top of sky eye or feeding koi fish!
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| Enjoying the farm house TUWA the Laughing Fish Nueva Ecija |
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| Alahbiga resort Laiya, Batangas |
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| Ronald, Febbie and I inside Sky Eye capsule Tagaytay |
Anyways, another batch of pictures who I spent my month with.
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| Mom and Dad waving Calamba, Laguna family swimming |
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| Dinner with Lauren, Pao, Sa, Mae Friuli |
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| Mom and dad and our house and a cat Cavite house |
Although 'in transit' is just a state of having moved from a source point to reach the other point or a destination, I still find the whole experience very valuable. And this is just the middle of summer!
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