You're someone whom I can dependTo walk a path that sometimes bendsWithout youLife has no meaning or rhymeLike notes to a song out of time
Friday, February 26, 2021
Interchange #31
Monday, February 22, 2021
Interchange #30
Our own funny moods
I've got mine
I bet you woman you've got yours too
Another day has come and gone.
Another day has passed and my work piled up a little higher than yesterday
Another day of reading, researching and taking mental notes
Another day for students to expand their vocabulary bank
Another day to re-create my cave, because I will stay there for an entire moon cycle
Another day to talk to parents of my students, informing them that I need a short break from it all
Another day to conduct initial interview, and to find out how the middle child is usually the reserved quiet and wise one.
Another day to polish my game plan for finishing my report
Another day to finish house chores and duties for a smooth sailing day
Another day to contemplate profound life questions: like why did I give you my most important planets: moon and Venus. Did I make a pact with you in any of my past lives? And what could be that pact? Where will it lead?
Another day to cultivate
Another day to rest
Friday, February 19, 2021
Interchange #29
And hearing you my engines die
I'm in a mood for you
Monday, February 15, 2021
Return of Lost Things (or friends and anything in between)
Of course, my dear readers, what do I love most in life is to make a list. Today is another one of them.
The title of this list is really simple, the return of lost things. As simple as it means, I have been seeing a trend of objects, people, ideas and circumstances coming back to life and they have been making themselves felt. I thought I have lost them for good, but no, they have a way of coming back. They sometimes even force their way into coming back to my life, but my energy is just enough for my daily routine and even now my energy is barely enough to hold my routine in the house in this pandemic era.
So, here we go
(A) Guadi is back! This one is a very happy news for me. If you may recall, Guadi died last August, but this weekend, my mom forced me to resurrect it by going to laptop repair shop. Yay, it worked. Guadi, my beloved overworked laptop is now given a second life. Welcome back to the living side of the world Guadi. I actually believed that you deserve the 6-month rest because you have been enduring impossible working schedules in the most grueling places and circumstances for the last 3 years. I am of course very guilty for making you work so hard, but you have endured it with me. And you know how lost I was when you temporarily died. But here, you are back in my arms again. It's so lovely to be working day and night with you again Guadi. Please stay longer with me this time, okay? I promise I will take good care of you, but I cannot promise that you will work lesser hours, sorry. But I know you know what it means to be my laptop right?
So welcome back to the living part of the world Guadi ^^
(B) Doing my online classes in my bedroom instead of living room.
Mom and I had a bitter fight last week. She was tired of me banishing them to different parts of the house because I demanded a lot of space and quiet time when I am doing my online classes. Of course, I have known my mom my whole life, she is the kind who will only endure within her set limits, eventually when you overstep the boundary, she will retaliate with a bomb. I guessed I have been walking the fine line of her boundary until one day I overstepped, so she exploded and I was sent away from the living room before I could muster a proper look of surprise. I wasn't given a time to digest what happened at all, she just bullishly attacked me verbally and so I lost. That's really her style. It is still scary until now for me. My adult self is still scared of my mom, tbh.
(C) Friends starting to keep in touch
Oh yeah, I am sorry about this. No energy to answer and even I am at a lost on how to even start a catch up script in my mind. Like, hi how are you? Have you been well? How was your Christmas, New Year? blah blah. No, I couldn't imagine myself going through the stale script. I just wanted to be quiet. I am not a snob, it is just my energy doesn't support extra social communication right now. I am stretched in my online classes, housework duties and other writing projects daily, I can't seem to muster anymore energy to cover socmed conversation. Maybe eventually. But definitely not now.
(D) My old papers in my graduate studies
These ones, I actively dug them up from my vault. Interesting how we really change perspectives as years passed. I had been reading many old papers that I have written four, or three years back. Some of them I still hold true for myself but some of them, I need to trim or edit to sound genuine and true to my current state of mind.
So far, that's it.
Monday, February 8, 2021
A Completely Un-thought of Rant because I am way past a lot of my deadlines and my mind can't seem to think and focus
It's one of those days when you know you had a lot to do but the mind just wanders off somewhere. Been having a hard time concentrating lately, must be information overload or maybe it is just burn out eating away at my flesh of goals, flaming again and again, consuming the little energy left in me, without even a slight sign that it is even going to go away or leaving anytime soon.
I ask again and again, what is missing? Why can't I feel completely merged with my goals? Why can't I concentrate, there is something missing? What is lacking in the recipe? I need the spark. I need to look at the bigger picture to see clearly and to do that I need to step back and let life play out in front of me. I must have gotten so involved, too close for comfort, that's why I lost the details.
So, I need to detach, step back and observe.
Probably, I will find it.
Well, I hope I find it sooner.
Monday, February 1, 2021
Interchange #28
Not if you care for me
Stay little valentine stay
Each day is Valentines day