From my hiding place - catalog 3

Still busily trying to recover from the past months

Little by little, I can see more than a bit of what's in front of me, but after that fraction of a second of 'revelation' it disappears and dissolves

So, that must be the pattern, there are moments of spark, moments of clarity and moments of big picture 

However, just moments

Then, it is gone

Little by little, I can understand more than a bit of what's in front of me, but after that fraction of a second, the epiphany is lost in the void, too far to reach, too volatile to touch

Then again, confusion comes and the mind is trapped trying to untangle the impossible net 

,

little by little, I can feel more than a bit of what's in front of me, but after that fraction of a second, the emotion evaporates, it hides, it doesn't want to be defined

Then I am back in the dark

…

I remember an anecdote that one of my good teachers told me

It was about a wise and affluent elder, living on a hill, near the shore. As he spends quietly his numbered days, he keeps on seeing and watching some people who will wander around the sea, all day and night doing nothing, spending their time getting lost in their desires, fulfilling their blind passions, wasting time, wasting their talents, getting lost in their delusions. One day, as these people continue their aimless and wasteful ways, the elder saw a huge rolling wave, threatening to engulf the shore along with the people around it. In a moment of selfless compassion, he burned down his house, to call the attention of those people who seemed too caught in their cravings and desires in the shore. 

As the huge wave comes near, the fire swallowing the elder's house gets bigger and higher too, catching the attention of the people near the shore. Seeing the fire on the hill, they turned their attention to the dark smoke and the burning house, one by one, they run to the direction of the house, abandoning the shore. Saving themselves in the process.

…

These are all I have for tonight.

But somehow it feels enough.