Soul search week

Fangirl mode (lovin' it)

While trashing about the deep dark waters of self-doubt and self-insecurity this week, I happened upon a number of inspiring people who gave me messages (unintentionally) that made me think of life in bigger picture. Maybe what I am saying is that, up until this week I was sure of my path, but came Monday, it suddenly felt like I woke up  on a boat battered by unforgiving storm in the middle of big ocean. Completely unaware, this big storm caught me by surprise. This concluded in almost a week of absence from work, ineffective planning and uncertainty.

First. Words of wisdom from my eye doctor. I had my eye check-up (at Asian Eye Institute) this Friday morning and my doctor was very cheerful. He asked me about laptop sleeve (which I learned, is different from skin). Then I mentioned it was just a gift to me. Then we talked about school, ROMVLO hall and main lib. That he needed to go to Asian Lib to study. That during second sem of 1986, Diliman was closed and classes were disrupted. Good thing he had all those P (Passed) grades that sem (he was graduating that time) because he enrolled full load. And that after BA, he went to UP Manila to pursue medical school. That was a turning point in his life. His story made me think of UP as our community, although I was just born the year he graduated his BA, we have that common impression of library and our mutual happiness about him passing his full load semester (we all know that enrolling full load in Diliman whatever sem it is could be really challenging esp during hell week!)

Second. I attended this community concert held at the Amphitheater which featured Buklod (Rom Dongeto). It was also a date with Fati ^^ She mentioned that it felt like it was a beach concert. With the moon luminously watching over us, the cool wind blowing, good music, audience sitting at the grassy ground, one would think of occasionally running to the beach to soak in its gentle waters.
I feel like I miss being near the waters. I long to be surrounded by it. To renew myself inside its protection. And I felt the closeness of UP community, we all share the love of indigenous music (courtesy of Kontra-gapi) and the music of Buklod along with Tres Marias and others.

Third. The picture above is a rare treasure. When I was in college, I religiously read his column and I finished his thick book about Martial Law in Philippines (Dead Aim) borrowed from Main Library. So, upon seeing him sitting at the side of stage, watching quietly, I knew that I am about to watch two spectacles: the concert itself and his reactions.
The event concluded with Buklod's signature song Kanlungan. What a treat! We all clapped our hands, healed by the power of music. But on a personal note, I know being there was a kind of healing for me. For someone experiencing the torment of searching for self-identity and purpose, finding myself belonging to a community who loves music, who respects diversity, who gather together to celebrate unity beneath the moon and stars through songs and dances, I somehow realized that I after all, am not alone in this torment, that people around me also defines me. That I share their tears, laughters and delight with each song played.
And that I feel like I am protected by these emotions because they feel the same, too.