Actually, who wouldn't

Habang nagpapahinga ako sa kwarto dala nang fever at ubo at allergy, napag-isip ako: Bakit medyo mahirap talagang maintindihan ang buhay, laging may problema, may issues, may mga challenges at di matapos-tapos na worries. Tapos, may sakit pa ako, at tambak ang mga hugasang bowls at kutsara at tinidor at mga labahang kailangang labhan, banlawan at isampay. Idagdag pa dito ang hindi matapos tapos na pagtanggal nang tiles sa aming apartment floor para palitan nang mas matibay na flooring, kasabay nito ang ingay nang tiles na binibiak, alikabok at pagpukpok ng martilyo sa sahig. Read: allergy at alikabok; fever at maingay na hallway; bed rest at mga domestic stuff na hindi pa nabibigyang pansin. Hindi ba ito ang mga kondisyon na nakaka-snap? Yung tipong konti na lang ang hinahawakan kong sanity at kahit ano mang oras ay malapit na akong bumigay? Perhaps get hysterical? 

Nanduon aang train of thought ko nang bigla kong na-realize (after calling in life all the patience I have left), maybe the question is who wouldn't snap?

Yun. Spot on. Something to keep my day sane. Something to hold on to to bring back my faith in life and universe. 

I convinced myself, it's ok to snap. It's ok to tumble, to fall, to breakdown. To let the flood rush in and rush through and then let go. THEN I laughed, with all my might. I laughed at myself. (I made big boo-boo yesterday night, the electricity went out while I was washing my clothes, so dark all around esp inside the laundry area. I rushed to my room to get candle. Then ran down four flights to have it lit by guard bec he has matches, (and I don't) and I ran upstairs again carefully guarding the light. Upon reaching 4th floor, my apartment-mate commented, parang baligtad yung sinidihan mo, and yes she was right, yung bottom part yung sinindihan ko hindi yung talagang wick sa kabilang dulo, upon realizing the crazy blunder, I laughed so hard at myself, it was even better bec my apartment mate is laughing hard with me. Oh goodness)

Maybe the crack/the snap is what it is all about and it is about accepting it, that it exists, and that in life there are a lot of things out of our control. We tried our best and we have to let it go. Fall when it is time to fall. Empty out when it is time to empty out. Laugh. Laugh at our crazy attempts to live life like we know how it works, like we have full grasp of it, like we are on top of things, because laughter is our most powerful weapon: it is a signal that we are at our wits end but we are still fearless; we are helpless but we still believe, we still hope. I read somewhere that where there is laughter, fear cannot enter. 

Share laughter with friends and loved ones. 

Then start all over again.