I love you chocolate!

Cuteness!

Finally Friday

Beautiful interruption.

it's been a while

sigh, i've been in and out of high fever since Sunday night, and i had finally decided to go to ER on Tuesday morning, thankfully the doctors moved so efficiently and they gave me prescription. so here i am still with puffy eyes and with fluctuating temperature resting in the countryside trying to keep my thoughts clear and document some events.

it was actually my first time to have suero, or they call it IV or dextrose. i did not cringe anymore to the thought of needles entering my blood veins, i feel too weak to worry at all. i want to express my gratitude to friends who worried about me, you're sweet guys. it was a feat, i cried so many times after the pain of needle, the little pain that promises good recovery after some hours or minutes. i got to thinking, pain could be the physical manifestation that we are indeed hurting AND that we are trying to do something about the hurt. that pain gives us many different perspective, that pain actually is a catalyst for healing. remember someone said we are hurt because we are humans, it is a defense mechanism, it is an agent for healing, it is a sign that we tried for something, uh-oh, my thoughts are drifting away, must be the meds . . . i think i mentioned before in my entry that we should learn to live with pain, and i will repeat it again, we must try to live with it, face it and hug it, let it in, this must be the only way to a fulfilling life.

a measure of pain, a measure of pleasure, a measure of service and a measure of faith, i believe that can be fulfilling life. once we experience pain, don't hide it, share it to those closest to you, those people who will never leave your side, those who will see the benefits of self honesty. as is said by a wise person, the earth sustains  and nourishes its creation. believe.

Ode to the full moon

Birthing of Venus by Boticelli

Isn't it a wonder that Venus just came into this world as a full grown lady? Mmm, during this full moon I am reflecting about my own journey as a lady and my views about the essence of being a woman. In this painting it's like the figures are celebrating in her arrival, elements are very much part of this joyous event, I can feel the wind blowing the hair of the goddess and the quiet but triumphant welcome of deep waters to the divine lady, as she stepped out of this big shell. The sturdy ground covered with green grass as well as the trees are also joining as the leaves danced in glee. What about the fire, I ask myself, mmm, maybe it's her hair. The fiery soft waves dangling from her head to her lower torso, curves and shapes, very becoming of a woman! And the red robe!

This full moon, we must remember the goddess in each of us. Just as in the painting, under the light of the moon, find the source of joy inside yourself. Feel each element celebrating as you empower yourself with the beauty that's inside you. As the light of the sun is filtered by the moon, I remind myself that change is possible and wonderful. Change, growth, birthing all key words for saying goodbye to the old and welcoming the new. I would not be surprised if Venus was born during full moon.

Journey Essentials (tres) Living with pain

Don't you feel it? The melancholy of living? Of being inexplicably so alone in a very crowded coffee shop. Page after page, picture after picture, passage after passage, I am looking for something that will spark, maybe something to remind me that I am not alone and someone is willing to teach me where to look for clues as to what life really is.

I should learn to live with this pain, I am sure it will stay for a long while. This subtle, uncontrollable and deep pain that just drive me to tears when I reflect and when I am all alone. This alone feeling. This painful feeling of detachment. Of being cut from a source. This must be the pain of living. Of inability to be honestly intimate with someone because we are hopelessly separated from the beginning. Have you ever felt pain so profound that you know you will cry every waking moment and everytime you lie on bed to sleep.

This feeling of pain that is all consuming making those plans that push you to move forward before, that make you dream, that make you feel secure is now so small compared to this intense feeling of deep detachment from the source.

 

I have this idea that when we are deeply committed to inner reflection then we can be at peace with our pains and fears. Because perhaps we realise that pains and fears are part of our wholeness. When we recognise what pains us, we can search deep within to discover/invent cure that will help mitigate it. But for now, I am trapped in pain. Melancholy. This feeling that we cannot just shoo away. And I have this feeling it will stay for quite a while.

When waking up

What to Remember When Waking
~David White~

In that first
hardly noticed
moment
to which you wake,
coming back
to this life
from the other
more secret,
moveable
and frighteningly
honest
world
where everything
began,
there is a small
opening
into the new day
which closes
the moment
you begin
your plans.

What you can plan
is too small
for you to live.

What you can live
wholeheartedly
will make plans
enough
for the vitality
hidden in your sleep.

To be human
is to become visible
while carrying
what is hidden
as a gift to others.

To remember
the other world
in this world
is to live in your
true inheritance.

You are not
a troubled guest
on this earth,
you are not
an accident
amidst other accidents
you were invited
from another and greater
night
than the one
from which
you have just emerged.

Now, looking through
the slanting light
of the morning
window toward
the mountain
presence
of everything
that can be,
what urgency
calls you to your
one love? What shape
waits in the seed
of you to grow
and spread
its branches
against a future sky?

Is it waiting
in the fertile sea?
In the trees
beyond the house?
In the life
you can imagine
for yourself?
In the open
and lovely
white page
on the waiting desk?

Happy birthday Mom

Happiness!