Monday, October 4, 2021

No stopping the bleeding

It is not like it is the first time that I quit something
It is not like I am facing disintegration for the very first time in my life

I am used to decays
I am used to breakdowns
I am used to failings

But this time, I know it is the beginning of something long-term
Long term disintegration
Long term disillusionment

Slow dance
Trapped in darkness
Like a long tunnel

I know I chose to go through the tunnel
I am walking it now
No point of return

Each day presents a darker gradation
Each moment I know there is something more sinister in the background
Just taking its time to spring up and reveal its face

Each day, from morning to midnight, 
I watch myself emerge from dust then throughout the day, watch myself reduce to dust
Relentless watching
Not any eye muscle strong enough to look away
No
I have to fully watch
And painfully feel
To burn again and again
in the dark, in the shadow, in the cold

They say it is a wound that will never heal
The blood will flow again and again
Through the burn
Through the open wound
No stopping the bleeding
No sleep to save us from despair
No balm to stop the pain

But I continue walking 

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