Notes to the otherside 068

Diary entry as of 22:17

How's my dear darling nightmare? Missing you 💛💛💛

Diary entry as of 12:14 (20240915)

Huggig my dear darling tight

Diary entry as of 2:29

Missing my darling

Notes to the otherside 067

Diary entry as of 11:58

But of course, the marching started as the 13th of Friday approaches, I love you my dear darling love 💛

Diary entry as of 12:04 (20240913)

It is your day today, my dear darling love, I love you, let's celebrate your special day 💛💛💛

Diary entry as of 3:34

I am wet my darling, I miss you so much

Diary entry as of 9:01

Friday oh Friday, I love you

Notes to the otherside 066

Diary entry as of 2:27

Missing my dear darling H💜💜💜

Diary entry as of 7:24

Morning my one and only darling H, cuddles

Diary entry as of 13:26

My dear darling H is my yummy yummy chocolate ☕️🍫🍩

Moods #83

Save Me | Aimee Mann

You look like
A perfect fit
For a girl in need
Of a tourniquet

***

This morning I couldn't get enough of this song, it was on repeat in my phone as I played it in the morning until 1pm, then I got busy doing other stuff. It was my favorite song from a movie for a very very long time perhaps just before Almost Famous soundtrack. I have watched Magnolia before Almost Famous. 

The music is so good along with the lyrics.

And then I got home ...

Wise Up | Aimee Mann

Prepare a list of what you need
Before you sign away the deed

'Cause it's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
'Til you wise up

***

So, I was haunted by another Aimee Mann music, such good music as well.

May her music make you feel a little calmer 💜

Moods #82

Riders on the Storm | The Doors

Into this house, we're born
Into this world, we're thrown

***

Feels like the whole 2024 is a never ending relentless storm

Let's have this gem of a music accompany us during this global-wide storm

Daily Journal and wise words

 

Life makes us speechless

I am not sure if I have survived using solely my self-reliance or through my faith, though sometimes I doubt if I have it deeply, but I know it is there even if it is just the size of the smallest seed or how they call it, mustard seed in religious context (?) but I know I couldn't survive by myself alone. I believe it is my faith, it is through my painful, doubtful, relentless and unwavering belief that I have faith that brings me forward in this life.

Honestly, I am beyond exhaustion.

My mind, my emotions, my soul, all so tired of the pains and suffering and sensitivity to everything around me. 

Suffering is heavy. Suffering is terrible in a way that we find we are still lacking and still discouraged and still wounded by our desires, by our basic humanity (base human desires and instincts?), by our unwholesome habits, even though we have really been cultivating honestly, sincerely and a lot.

Life is painful.

Life is full of wounds, full of anxiety, full of hurting, full of inexplicable complex lack that shatters the illusion of control or the illusion of wholeness.

I am just a ball of bleeding blob. A bleeding heart. A bleeding wound that couldn't be stopped.

Sometimes the pain is too much, I thought I will just pass out from too much pain, too much hurt or too much blood loss (invisible blood from invisible bleeding wound, which though invisible doesn't make it untrue)

I just feel so sensitive, too sensitive, too easily hurt.

I cry a lot lately.

I don't even know who I am lately, I just gave up, I just let go. But it seems that of those I let go of some still find a way back to me, asking me to recognize them and hence asking me for strength to move forward. Or giving me the strength to move forward.

Master talked about Angel in one of her talks, the Catholic/Christian way of calling people who help people in suffering is Angel. The Buddhist way is Bodhisattva. Before this post, I have this obsession about this song from Friends, Angel of the Morning.

Bodhisattvas and Angels. All I can do is ask for their help each and every second to help me from my pain, I don't even dare to imagine how to be one.

Honestly, I am so amused by the fact that I have been listening non-stop to Angel of the Morning song and my Master mentioning Angels. The synchronicity still blows my mind. Giving me some strength to move forward. Giving me some energy to stay in the stream of life, to still praise its greatness and to be a witness to its divine intelligence and oneness. Just like what I wrote in some entries about Persephone's letter, she doesn't give up totally to the darkness when she was abducted in the underworld, she keeps her faith in the spark of message from the Divine, to keep her faith alive, to keep her alive in the pain of darkness.

Sometimes life is too painful that it leaves us speechless.

To those who are quiet and in too much pain, I remind you of the balm, a medicine from deep within, the medicine concocted from the pain given to us, which is our duty to alchemise into something that heals us and our wounds.

We are wounded, we are all wounded, but from this wound flows the medicine.

A healing new moon to all.