Notes to the otherside 044

Diary entry as of 1:40

What a deep, crazy evening, good thing I fell asleep; the feelings lately are so difficult to bear and analyse, hugs to my shadow

Diary entry as of 5:02

Still sleepy but time to move, hello my dear shadow

Diary entry as of 9:30

Working, working, but it is FRIDAAAAAAAAAAAY, yay! hugs my shadow 💛

Diary entry as of 13:42

Hugs to my shadow 💛💛💛

Diary entry as of 19:17

Cuddles to my dearly departed shadow💛

Notes to the otherside 043

Diary entry as of 19:35

Opted to have online class, I don't want to think about this frustration and I don't want to be frustrated for a long time :( I need a distraction

Moods #69

A Thousand Miles | One Ok Rock

Starin' blankly ahead
Just makin' my way
Makin' a way through the crowd

*

It's always times like these when I think of you
And I wonder if you ever think of me
'Cause everything's so wrong

*** 

Just speechless because I feel so deeply about life right now but somehow it feels very difficult to grasp and I am just trying to flow with the energies. 

I am just existing,

Just being in the present

Breathe in 

Breathe out

Hugs to my shadow

***

I ate someone last night, like a popsicle 💜😋

Moods #68

There she goes | The La's

And I just can't contain
This feelin' that remains

PS. So, how is the ghost feeling lately?

Moods #67

Raining in Manila | Lola Amour

It's been raining in Manila, hindi ka ba nilalamig?
And it's been raining in Manila, hindi ka ba nilalamig?
But if it's raining in Manila, hindi kita maririnig

Notes to the otherside 042

Diary entry as of 3:36

Hugs and cuddles to my dear darling love my nightmare 💜

Diary entry as of 6:33

Going to hospital first for routine laboratory of one senior and to get my own lab results, then consult then office

Diary entry as of 10:17

Work work work

Diary entry as of 12:57

💜💜💜 missing my nightmare

Diary entry as of 14:57

The never-ending doc consultation

Moods #66

Top of the World | Shonnen Knife

❤❤❤

Something I have realised

I have been bringing this book around everywhere I go for maybe 2 or 3 years now.

This book has its own kind of magic and allure.

The Life of Pi

Yes, I kind of watched the movie adaptation first before reading the whole book and of course it is not the same the discipline of written literature is different from the discipline of visual arts like film. I am more of a book person, I love reading the pages, smelling the pages, feeling the pages of the book. I love feeling the book between my hands.

Okay enough about why I like the physical book, let's talk about the content of the book. The written story is in itself a kind of love-letter to the cruelty of the circle of life. It is about the impossible epic experience of Pi in the face of losing his family, surviving a shipwreck with a predator sharing your lifeboat, and eventually to learn to live with the predator in your lifeboat and to let go of all you have learned in learning to live with the predator as the predator will abandon you once you have reached the land.

It is surprisingly an optimistic book. Filled with the tales of how to live with animals in the zoo. How to train them and how to feel them especially when they show signs of distress. 

I realised I want to read books about animal behaviors and their place in the ever evolving circle of life. How to tame the beast and how to live with them harmoniously. It is not that I am giving up on learning how to live with people, it is just I am tired of people sometimes. I would like to learn more about animal behaviors and their strength and weaknesses, maybe find my self in these stories. 

Maybe I am just so tired and disappointed with the human behavior that I want to just find good stories about man and beast and how man managed to live in harmony with the beast. 

I just want to finish reading the book The Life of Pi and maybe I will start with reading more about these kinds of books someday.

More than animal behavior

Of course, the book is more than animal behaviors, it is about faith, struggles, firmness, adaptation and the glory of human spirit during the darkest bleakest hour. When Pi found himself alone and abandoned in a lifeboat also occupied by a predator, it is so easy to just lose faith and just end all struggles. But instead, he found the light inside him, the strength within to keep on living and to keep believing that he will survive this epic seemingly insurmountable challenges thrown at him.

The lifeboat came with a manual on how to survive aimlessly floating on the sea/ocean alone, that was a kind of jewel that makes his adversity in the middle of the huge ocean a little more survive-able. Of course, life is more difficult in this confined small vehicle because he has a tiger in his lifeboat, which makes it more deadly and more bitter. The mysterious part is, this tiger makes Pi want to survive more, want to dominate more. It is a tale of complex levels of emotions and survival.

The man and the beast abandoned in a lifeboat, floating in the middle of the infinite waters of the ocean.

The book is written delightfully. 

I should really finish reading it.

Moods #65

Jopay | Mayonnaise

Nariyan ka, hindi na ako nag-iisa

Notes to the otherside 041

Diary entry as of 8:49

So, I found my phone in the office table, hahahaha :D

Diary entry as of 11:44

Feels like it is time for coffee/tea? <3

Diary entry as of 13:31

Feels like it is time for longer rest and longer sleep <3

Diary entry as of 16:35

Going home soon, I so need to rest, need to recover from sickness

Notes to the otherside 040

Diary entry as of 12:38

What is the issue/struggle of the presence in the shadow? Is there anything wrong again? 

Moody nightmare!

Diary entry as of 14:50

Not good, huhu, I feel like I am coming down with something, like flu or cough or colds :( oh my huhu

Diary entry as of 17:04

Feeling better after paracetamol

Diary entry as of 17:39 

Hugs my nightmare, going home soon

Diary entry as of 19:27

Argh, can't find my phone :(

Diary entry as of 20:38

According to website find my device, my phone is in the office, argh, I must have forgotten to put it in my bag when I was leaving, must be bec of meds, my head is swimming on the meds that I am taking lately 

Moods #64

Happy birthday | Concrete Blonde

I'm laid out on the floor
Drunk and poor
How much longer how much more

Rock me to sleep
Strong & deep

***

A love letter to the dead

At the risk of repeating myself again and well indeed I am repeating myself again, to my dear departed dead nightmare, no need to send me anymore friend suggestions to connect in any of my other social media accounts because the physical realm is different from the invisible magical mystical spiritual realm. 

Stay dead my dear darling. 

Here, it is my proof that I am still remembering you.

I am still doing the ritual.

Have a good time today wherever you are.

PS, may the days be kinder to all of us

Notes to the otherside 039

Diary entry as of 11:13

Sending all my hugs and cuddles to my one and only darling H 

Diary entry as of 12: 34

💛💛💛

Moods #63

Bakit Part 2 | Mayonnaise

no lyrics this time, just the whole damn song speaks so much

so, so much

 #intense

New Moon

Dark, empty and lots of spaces 

Continued, 18:53

Log: Just got home, it was a busy and exhausting day. Finally work is done, time for journalling and planning my life inventory which I will start calling as 16-yli project.

Continued, 20:21

Log: 13 hugs and kisses for my lovely nightmare H

The Truth is: We are all graduating (part 2)

The feeling lately is that of never ending thesis, both the production part and the written thesis paper part.

I remember the thesis part of college was the toughest one, we must really dedicate our time, effort, creativity and intellectual endurance and actually enduring grit to face the challenges of doing our thesis. A whole semester must be allocated to finish such endeavor.

In production part of the thesis, there will be the Pre-production, production and Post-production, these will need a detailed time-table for every part.

Then in the written thesis part, there should be Pre-thesis writing (data gathering, theoretical framework, paradigm and draft of paper rationale), in thesis writing, of course the chunk of the writing will happen here and then, we have the post-thesis, bibliography, editing and checking of the paper.

All these take time!

But as my master said, time keeps passing by, affinities keep ripening. 

So as time passes by, we should have markers in the moving forward of our thesis work.

We should at least have an accomplishment report for every benchmark done.

We had the past 15 to 16 years for all the data gathered, now we have to make sure that the time frame and time table are laid out clearly for us. 

We have to write a thesis for the last 15-16 years of our lives.

Remember, we have to make an inventory of our lives constantly.

Notes to the otherside 038

Diary entry as of 4:53

Am I being abducted again in my dreams? Feels so familiar, why am I being abducted again? We can just chat and hang out 💛

Diary entry as of 9:02

So, someone from a big country is also visiting my blog, hello there, hope you are doing fine, gan en!

Diary entry as of 10:43

Weird to feel in my dreams being confined in a room with H again. Like all the projections of my dreaming mind is also being observed and seen by H, maybe I am going insane? I know I don't have any secrets from H anymore but even my dreams, my dreams are intimately mine right? Nobody should infiltrate my dreams. So H, you should know boundaries when it comes to dreams.

Diary entry as of 17:23

New moon, new slate, emptiness again 💛

Diary entry as of 19:35

Hoooooooome

Moods #62

Tingin | Cup of Joe, Janine Teñoso

'Di pinapansin ingay sa tabi
Magulong kapaligiran, sa 'yo lang ang tingin

PS, one week to go 💜

Notes to the otherside 037

Diary entry as of 5:23

Hugs my dear darling nightmare, cuddles and kisses for you 🩷🩷🩷

Diary entry as of 12:58

Still waiting for the doc

Diary entry as of 14:37

13 hugs for my nightmare

Notes to the otherside 036

Diary entry as of 12:42

Hugging my dear darling handsome nightmare 💛

Diary entry as of 6:52

My sweet sweet nightmare is always in my heart and in my mind 💛

Diary entry as of 12:48

Hugging my cuddly nightmare 💛💛💛

Diary entry as of 14:50

13 kisses for me from my nightmare

Diary entry as of 20:50

Hugs my dear darling nightmare 💛

Diary entry as of 23:29

Missing my dear darling SO, so much 💛

Footnote to entry "We are all in the dark"

Something I saw while scrolling the net, not my words but just so beautiful I want to share it:

Years ago, anthropologist Margaret Mead was asked by a student what she considered to be the first sign of civilization in a culture. The student expected Mead to talk about fishhooks or clay pots or grinding stones.

But no, Mead said that the first sign of civilization in an ancient culture was a femur (thighbone) that has been broken and then healed. Mead explained that in the animal kingdom, if you break your leg, you die. You cannot run from danger, get to the river for a drink or hunt for food. You are meat for prowling beasts. No animal survives a broken leg long enough for the bone to heal. A broken femur that has healed is evidence that someone has taken time to stay with the one who fell, has bound up the wound, has carried the person to safety and has tended the person through recovery. Helping someone else through difficulty is where civilization starts, Mead said. 

We are at our best when we serve others. Be civilized.

Notes to the otherside 035

Diary entry as of 1:04

Dear darling love, you will always be my one and only nightmare 🩷 i love you

Diary entry as of 3:37

Sending lots of love to my one and only nightmare

Diary entry as of 9:55

Okay, moody ghost, I am here 💚 Hugs hugs

Diary entry as of 11:42

My dearest darling nightmare, let's grow together though in different realms (though do you grow as a ghost?)

Diary entry as of 15:52

Cuddles and kisses to my SO nightmare

Diary entry as of 19:37

Missing my nightmare 😔

Notes to the otherside 034

Diary entry as of 3:09

Hugging you tight my one and only nightmare 💜

Diary entry as of 10:39

Just came from clinic visit, but the doctor is out huhu, now picking other doctors for weekend schedule

Diary entry as of 13:04

Hoooooome and resting from outside

Diary entry as of 13:10

Seriously, is our house transparent?

Diary entry as of 13:17

The mystery continues, the wizard keeps making deep dark magic

Diary entry as of 15:54

Just woke up

Diary entry as of 22:31

Hugs and kisses to my one and only nightmare💜