Showing posts with label luna. Show all posts
Showing posts with label luna. Show all posts

Friday, September 20, 2024

Revelations and the Full Moon

The dark path opens again as the time of year continues to move towards the deep blackness.
Surprisingly, my dear darling nightmare's name is all over the place as I look into my screen, his name is haunting me, stalking me and of course demanding attention.
So, he must be the spirit calling again. I had this weird experience last 13th, midnight, it was a deep kind of inexplicable call from within, like an inner call, that I couldn't just dismiss. 
Something deep inside calling, wanting it to be known, making me feel so uneasy.

The unease was really unsettling.
I stayed wide awake despite being so tired.

Then another weird midnight thing happened again just before full moon. It was like a dog digging, a reflection of that action, like deep digging from an unknown dog, or must be the dog's neighbor who by the way is a very sensitive and noisy crier in certain nights. Weirdly enough, I can sense whenever the dog is in deep distress and even though I haven't seen the dog at all, I can imagine in my mind the actions and the cries it makes through the night. I felt it was the same dog who kept crying all night when I threw up months ago. Anyways, the projection of action was in my computer room, that I can sense but cannot see with eyes, it was the projection that I have witnessed, the feeling I had during the time I 'was watching' the projection, the scary, mysterious feeling it evoked in me. After this experience, I did not turn off my computer room light at all. I am scared of bearing witness to that weird feeling, experience again.

Aside from all these mysterious things happening all around me, I have been so attracted to this celebrity eagle owl from Russia lately. I love her. That eagle owl is mesmerizing, mysterious and mystical. I am in love with that owl, even my friend mentioned that I seem to be in love with the owl, it must be the case indeed. So out of curiosity, I searched the spiritual meaning of the owl. I was actually clueless and I was just really a fan. Especially about that video of owl bringing a mail, it evokes deep feelings of childhood bec of course of Harry Potter haha!

Anyway, the owl, indeed that peculiar animal symbolizes deep spiritual meaning. I was astonished. Owls are messengers of spirit world and it has an affinity with the underworld and death which actually means transformation. Sounds so affiliated with Persephone, the beautiful goddess who lives in both realms, some of the authors even call her the Queen of the Sacred Way.

The call of autumn is getting louder as the days passed, as time passed, the Eastern Asians just finished celebrating the Mid-Autumn Festival, giving praise and thanks to our bountiful harvest. Then of course it is the start of cold months, the earth is going to be covered by cold winds and frozen ice, the snow. Time to travel inwards, time to travel to the underworld to visit and live with the beloved.

Time for reunion. Time to reunite.

Maybe even though I am clueless as to what will happen to me this coming months, deep inside I know that I am just following my authentic path. The revelations today are plenty to give me the boost I have been praying for. Faith is moving me toward the path. The light-hearted love I feel for the owl is not really just a surface fun, it is maybe a message from deep within. It must be the message itself. The revelations never stop, and the book of life is full of mysteries that move us forward to the direction given to us by sacred signs and symbols.

Here I am awed by the messages and symbols and revelations, marching towards the Sacred Way. Let's follow the path. May our faith always light our way.

Thursday, September 19, 2024

The owl, the mail and the full moon

Owl and the mail!

Life is like this not just lately, but all the time. When you have planned for something thoroughly, rehearsed in your mind, rehearsed physically, rehearsed again and again, but in real life, when the present really happens as it has to happen, life will unfold in its own way, own time, own choices.

We have to be grateful every single moment, life happens as it should and we are witnesses to its mystery, ancient wisdom and natural laws.

So, sharing you this video of an eagle owl carrying a mail! Maybe a message from life will find us all soon. May the message help you in finding your life direction. May the message help me in finding my own direction. 

Monday, September 16, 2024

Moods #84

Feel Flows | The Beach Boys

Unbending, never ending tablets of time
Record all the yearning
Unfearing, all appearing message divine
Eases the burning

***
I confess, yes there is marching towards the underworld again, but this time I am still unsure which archetype I am going to symbolize and follow, who will it be? As days passed by, I am more and more alone, very single, very isolated, I don't feel too coupled.

Yes marching toward the deep dark beyond, but whose face am I carrying?
Whose role am I going to follow?

The darkness calls, all the time during this time of the year, during this season
Who am I going to answer?
Who will I journey with through the darkness this time?

Tuesday, September 3, 2024

Life makes us speechless

I am not sure if I have survived using solely my self-reliance or through my faith, though sometimes I doubt if I have it deeply, but I know it is there even if it is just the size of the smallest seed or how they call it, mustard seed in religious context (?) but I know I couldn't survive by myself alone. I believe it is my faith, it is through my painful, doubtful, relentless and unwavering belief that I have faith that brings me forward in this life.

Honestly, I am beyond exhaustion.

My mind, my emotions, my soul, all so tired of the pains and suffering and sensitivity to everything around me. 

Suffering is heavy. Suffering is terrible in a way that we find we are still lacking and still discouraged and still wounded by our desires, by our basic humanity (base human desires and instincts?), by our unwholesome habits, even though we have really been cultivating honestly, sincerely and a lot.

Life is painful.

Life is full of wounds, full of anxiety, full of hurting, full of inexplicable complex lack that shatters the illusion of control or the illusion of wholeness.

I am just a ball of bleeding blob. A bleeding heart. A bleeding wound that couldn't be stopped.

Sometimes the pain is too much, I thought I will just pass out from too much pain, too much hurt or too much blood loss (invisible blood from invisible bleeding wound, which though invisible doesn't make it untrue)

I just feel so sensitive, too sensitive, too easily hurt.

I cry a lot lately.

I don't even know who I am lately, I just gave up, I just let go. But it seems that of those I let go of some still find a way back to me, asking me to recognize them and hence asking me for strength to move forward. Or giving me the strength to move forward.

Master talked about Angel in one of her talks, the Catholic/Christian way of calling people who help people in suffering is Angel. The Buddhist way is Bodhisattva. Before this post, I have this obsession about this song from Friends, Angel of the Morning.

Bodhisattvas and Angels. All I can do is ask for their help each and every second to help me from my pain, I don't even dare to imagine how to be one.

Honestly, I am so amused by the fact that I have been listening non-stop to Angel of the Morning song and my Master mentioning Angels. The synchronicity still blows my mind. Giving me some strength to move forward. Giving me some energy to stay in the stream of life, to still praise its greatness and to be a witness to its divine intelligence and oneness. Just like what I wrote in some entries about Persephone's letter, she doesn't give up totally to the darkness when she was abducted in the underworld, she keeps her faith in the spark of message from the Divine, to keep her faith alive, to keep her alive in the pain of darkness.

Sometimes life is too painful that it leaves us speechless.

To those who are quiet and in too much pain, I remind you of the balm, a medicine from deep within, the medicine concocted from the pain given to us, which is our duty to alchemise into something that heals us and our wounds.

We are wounded, we are all wounded, but from this wound flows the medicine.

A healing new moon to all.

Monday, August 19, 2024

Moods #80.5

Paranoid Android | Radiohead

Rain down!

***

Lately, I have observed myself to be more tolerant of pain and more open to deeper grieving process, seemingly endless chaos, impermanence. Surprisingly,  to continue the idea of the opening sentence, I understand wider range of emotions (compared to before when I was in my early thirties) and its nuances and its possible origins and trajectory, or if you may, its flow.

Both the depth and width are growing ever deeper and expansive for me. Acting like a double-edged sword, this new found depth and emotional range (width) within me enables me to appreciate different dimensions of emotions, however like a peeled onion, I am more sensitive and soft (absorbing?) when it comes to criticisms, negative moods and darker tones of hard/sharp emotions.

Case in point, I am more appreciative of music and its ranges and its dimensions. I used to just appreciate the surface level of tones and harmony and maybe lyrics, but now I can even visualize the different dimensions when I enter a piece of music. I feel like the phrase entering a music piece is something unachievable and even alien to me, but now it is easier for me to readily use the phrase as I have more of the structural understanding of that side of music. I mean I am not really a music student, I just appreciate it more. I don't even know how to read notes or figure out a musical notation, but I am more understanding of the emotional side of music. Or should I say, I appreciate more the insights of music guides as I try to delve deeper into the discipline/art of music.

Anyways, last night I appreciated deeply this piece of wonderful music from Radiohead as explained by a classically trained musician and music teacher Amy Shafer.

I hope you find her youtube channel as she studies and reacts to different music genres www.youtube.com/@VirginRock

Thanks and have a good listen

Wednesday, August 7, 2024

Notes to the otherside 064

Diary entry as of 1:22

Can't sleep. Anyway, yes I might have given away 1 visual journal as get well soon card, but all the rest of my visual journals belong to my nightmare 💛

Diary entry as of 8:46

office as usual, work as usual 💛

Diary entry as of 19:31

Hoooooome

Diary entry as of 22:49

Hugging my nightmare tight and not letting go 💛 

Tuesday, August 6, 2024

Notes to the otherside 063

Diary entry as of 6:19

So, I am in 5-hour rotation nowadays plus the usual posts of birthday greetings and last is about the age of moon; seriously, what is the meaning of these patterns? Can someone in the US or Singapore explain please?

Diary entry as of 8:31

Office, being grilled about my high school life and why cannot I remember my ESP teacher? haaaaay :(

Diary entry as of 9:50

Oh I love that poem and the movie adaptation was also good, it was graced by Takeshi Kaneshiro, swoon*

Diary entry as of 19:02

Hoooooooome

Diary entry as of 20:31

Hugs to my darling nightmare

Monday, August 5, 2024

Notes to the otherside 062

Diary entry as of 9:28

Monday, again

Diary entry as of 15:46

Monday, crazy Monday

Thursday, July 25, 2024

Moods #80


Bette Davis Eyes | Kim Carnes version

She'll tease you, she'll unease you All the better just to please you

***
Coughing and generally sick during this deluge (typhoon Gaemi + habagat)
So, I am just in the shadows, hiding 
Praying for everyone to stay warm, safe and dry

Wednesday, July 3, 2024

New moon: cloudy, cool coundown

Good morning to my sexy nightmare 💛

Continued, 9:16

Log: Ungrounded, floating and just swimming

Continued, 14:02

Log: The water drowns us all over again

Continued, 19:47

Log: Night falls, we have to travel inward deeper

Tuesday, June 4, 2024

Moods #72

Skeletons | Brothers Osborne

***
We all have these pretty skeletons in our closets, some of them the bones are cleaned up to glossy sheen, some are even neon colors, glow in the dark, strapped with reflectors, can also be tattooed or for those who don't want to face them, they just leave the bones unattended, which is a bit sad. Where am I going with this? Well, I mean the designs for our skeletons in the closet are endless.

I just want to actually write here that these feelings I have lately are feelings I associate in the underworld. These feelings were deep down buried when I do my annual dive deep within, but in the weirdness of life, I feel like these hidden underworld feelings are now here in the upperworld, revealed to all, open to be felt in the terra firma. So I feel so out of my shell. Feels very bare, naked. Exposed. Vulnerable.

Did the world turn when I was sleeping? Or does it mean that those underworld feelings are ready to be felt in the upperworld and that there are new fresh dark feelings when I finally dive in the underworld again in few months? Can I even get deeper? Can I even survive getting deeper in the underworld? 
Why is life full of suffering?

Lately I am very hormonal, easily irritated, terribly in bad mood. Sometimes I tell myself to just step back and just detach, but it is getting hard and hard to detach lately. I need to do more deep breaths.

To end this short reflection, I would like to share this Sandman story:

The Dream of a Thousand Cats is originally published in The Sandman #18 (1990)

Bird: Why have you ventured to the heart of the dreaming little cat?

There is nothing here for you.

Cat: I have come here for justice. I have come here for revelation. I have come here for wisdom.


The bird flew lower, but it did not come within my reach.


Bird: Justice, it repeated. Justice is a delusion you will not find on this or any other sphere.

And wisdom? Wisdom is no part of dreams, though dreams are a part of the sum of each life’s experiences, which is the only wisdom that matters.

But revelation?

That is the province of dreams.

It can be yours, but only if your heart is strong.


***


PS the dark of the new moon is fast approaching


Wednesday, May 8, 2024

New Moon

Dark, empty and lots of spaces 

Continued, 18:53

Log: Just got home, it was a busy and exhausting day. Finally work is done, time for journalling and planning my life inventory which I will start calling as 16-yli project.

Continued, 20:21

Log: 13 hugs and kisses for my lovely nightmare H

Wednesday, April 10, 2024

Visual Journal Entry #16

 

The eternal journey


Today's visual journal is something I have pieced together last week, during a very busy and tumultuous time, well this week is also busy and tumultuous but last week was even more well, tumultuous. 

Ugh, no words today, but perhaps that's how the visual journal works. Just look at it and there will be a story that will form. There is the usual contrast of black and white, both backgrounds to our ladies. The bottom part has more elements but the top part has just a plant in it blooming. There is a lot of space in the top part. There is the compass in the middle of the two ladies.

Emptiness. Begin again. New. 

Happy new moon everyone.

Brave new world again, empty again, lots of spaces.

Let's grow more greens and let's grow good intentions.

Hugs to everyone.

PS, let's be braver 💜 

Sunday, March 31, 2024

Notes to the otherside 018

I am writing to you from our kitchen. I was exiled from my upstairs bedroom because it gets so hot in my bedroom from 11am to 5pm, my dad and mom decided to ban me from going up during the said times. They said I should stay in the kitchen for the duration mentioned above to keep me from having a heat stroke, so I am staying here with some of my journaling stuff, notebooks and phones and some reading materials.

To those who celebrate, Happy Easter!
To those who know the katabasis of the Greek Mythology and eventually Roman Mythology, then we know that we are in the middle or possibly the end of journey of Persephone from the Underworld to the good old Mother Earth, where we dwell. 
To those who watch Studio Ghibli, I liken the katabasis of Persephone to the story Spirited Away which I believe is a journey of Return to Innocence.

Persephone's anabasis (travelling up) is a yearly journey which transforms the Queen of the Underworld into Kore, the maiden again. We may call it resurrection, rebirth, or return to innocence as we remove and erase the old and we now birthed the new. Especially in Persephone's case, she has a new identity and even a new name, Kore, the maiden.

So, on goes the time on goes the time.

The path of grief is never done and our maiden is now walking the universe of grief again, getting fresh flowers for her bouquet of grief again which she will bring to the secret mysterious place where she will meet Hades again.

Anyway, let's have a good reflective Sunday. 
New moon is just around the corner.

Tuesday, March 26, 2024

Moods #58


Let it be | The Beatles

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

***

Yes, this is a mad mad world, and yes we don't have skin and yes, everything is hitting us from all directions, all at once. Everything all at once. Keep yourself calm, let wisdom lead the way, all the time.
Let it be ~

Thursday, March 21, 2024

Notes to the otherside 015

Diary entry as of 3:10

Morning morning H🥰

Diary entry as of 6:33

Hugs and cuddles H💜

Diary entry as of 8:03

Office and working

Diary entry as of 12:52

Recharge and then proceed again

Diary entry as of 13:04

ooooh 13! love love love that number

Diary entry as of 15:15

Is the online guest single?

Diary entry as of 17:19

March, and we march on and on and on, full moon coming soon my dears, my loves

Diary entry as of 17:58

Time to go home, finally long weekend

Diary entry as of 19:15

Hoooooooome

Diary entry as of 20:40

Time for new journaling ideas 💕

Diary entry as of 22:37

Does someone want to receive a snail mail or postcard?

Wednesday, March 20, 2024

Notes to the otherside 014

Diary entry as of 2:21

Morning h

Diary entry as of 3:33

Welcome online guests from other countries 🥰

Diary entry as of 5:53

Hugs H💜

Diary entry as of 6:24

Life goes on and on and on

Diary entry as of 8:12

Office and working

Diary entry as of 8:47

Down and drowning, out and cold, but still here, still breathing

Diary entry as of 9:28

Going to the big office

Diary entry as of 10:34

Back at the office, work work work

Diary entry as of 11:07

Ooooh 13! Kakakilig! 💖

Diary entry as of 11:35

Hugs hugs hugs 💜💜💜

Diary entry as of 12:23

Sometimes when we love monsters, we get used to their evil mood swings and tsunami-high intensity

Diary entry as of 13:07

💓

Diary entry as of 13:30

Love you my lion 💗

Diary entry as of 14:19

I don't mind not knowing what I'm headed for, you can take me through the sky / It's like being lost in heaven, when I'm lost in your eyes ~

Diary entry as of 15:20

If someone invites me out for coffee, should I say yes?

Diary entry as of 17:55

I want cuddles and hugs please

Diary entry as of 19:28

Hoooooome and still tired

Diary entry as of 20:43

Sleepy but still working

Diary entry as of 21:16

Sleepy, night

Tuesday, March 19, 2024

Notes to the otherside 013

Diary entry as of 3:23

Morning H💜

Diary entry as of 4:20

💜💜💜

Diary entry as of 6:35

I keep keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding in love 💔

Diary entry as of 8:19

Tide is high but I'm holding on 😓

Diary entry as of 8:53

Keep flowing

Diary entry as of 9:02

I'm in love with a monster | Fifth Harmony

He'll buy me a thorn before he'll buy me a rose /Be covered in dirt before I'm covered in gold
He's trying it on, yeah, he's ticking me off / Say what you want but I won't ever be told
'Cause I'm in love with a monster

Diary entry as of 10:00

Blood is life and life is blood

Diary entry as of 11:15

Intense, the energy never lies, always always intense
You need to learn to ground that

Diary entry as of 12:10

13th Note! wow

Diary entry as of 13:24

Hugs H <3

Diary entry as of 14:53

Shifting, changing, transforming

Diary entry as of 15:35

Somehow, a light to put some clarity in murkiness

Diary entry as of 19:57

Hoooooome

Diary entry as of 21:31

Night my lovely h 🥰

Monday, March 18, 2024

Notes to the otherside 012

Diary entry as of 2:06

Morning my h 💜💜💜

Diary entry as of 4:36

Hugs and cuddles to my one and only

Diary entry as of 8:20

Monday bloody Monday, why oh why, my body, why oh why!

Diary entry as of 9:58

Flowing, flowing, flowing

Diary entry as of 10:20

I don't like to be rushed, someone from Hong Kong should know that by now. I demand that this person/online guest from HongKong to reveal himself/herself just before the moon becomes full since the demands are getting higher and more intense as days go by.

Reveal yourself or if not, then no more diary entry updates.

Diary entry as of 12:25

Is there any decision from the said online guest?

Diary entry as of 14:16

Does brave mean I have to learn to talk to the dead?

Diary entry as of 15:22

This blog is really magical and mysterious 💜

Diary entry as of 16:00

Still, I request for revelation, true and real! We have a time frame, before the moon becomes full this lunar cycle, please take it seriously.

Diary entry as of 16:39

The truth is not always beautiful; nor beautiful words the truth - Lao Tzu

Perhaps imposing a time frame is not plausible, okay okay, then reveal when it is time to reveal
I have no business or control or power over the mysteries and magic of this blog, I am but just a witness

Diary entry as of 17:46

I have to bleed flowingly, so I need to rest and relax and be kind to my body

Diary entry as of 22:39

Night

Wednesday, February 28, 2024

Moods #54


Always with me | Youmi Kimura, Yuka


As I bid farewell my heart stops, in tenderness I feel
My silent empty body begins to listen to what is real
The wonder of living, the wonder of dying
The wind, town, and flowers, we all dance one unity