It's gonna be a long long time

Rocket Man | Elton John

I'm a rocket man
Rocket man burnin' out his fuse up here alone

~

Burn brighter, dear darling departed

Late Post: Journal Entry for 27th

 

A realization and a prayer

I feel death so intensely today, I mean I am so used to feeling death, being aware of death and its signals and symbols, the emotional level, not really literal or tangible. I just know it is seeing me today. I have no idea why. I am always intensely aware of death, but this is actually higher notch than I have ever felt before. More intimately. More pulse by pulse, more step by step aware. 

Maybe nobody understands this. I too have a hard time understanding it.

Of course this day again, anyway, a prayer.

Deeply hoping and praying for calmness and understanding, faith and love. Emotions are hard to define these days, but always know that you are in my heart and my mind and my soul.

Hugs.

Of course, this day again

Don't Wanna Lose You | Gloria Estefan

So open your eyes
And see who I am
And not who you want for me to be
I am only myself, myself

***

Also, I want to add this visual journal I made for this day. 

Have a good time wherever realm you are dear darling departed.

The End and then . . . there is the beginning

 “For some folks death is release, and for others death is an abomination, a terrible thing. But in the end, I'm there for all of them.”

― Death of the Endless, Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 3: Dream Country

It is never only a dream, John Constantine.

- Morpheus, Dream a Little Dream of Me

A letter to H

Dear someone hiding in the dark shadows,

I miss you. I have been thinking more and more about you lately. Possibly intensely. I have been through so many challenges lately, I have no idea how I have survived until now. 

Some days are too dark, even a sliver of light is something I searched for endlessly, prayed for tirelessly, to inspire me to get up in the morning. Because this tiny sliver of light could really make a big difference in keeping my feet on the ground, head above my shoulders, faith in my heart ~ days are getting harder and harder to digest, dissect and to process. I learned painfully how to hold on to faith, even if it is something I still have to learn by heart step by step. My train of thought is something not easy to follow now. 

There are days when I wanted to just give up on journaling and see the act of writing as a waste of time. Sometimes, I feel like I live just to journal. The realities of life are as usual very difficult to bear, one challenge after another, seemingly no end to this dark phase, sometimes I don't even know how I still get up in the morning.

Surrender.

Faith.

Purity.

Big lessons. But I still hang on. I still try to believe. What do I believe? That the lessons will help me increase my wisdom. That life is about cultivation and about love and about purification. That I still feel the world has a lot of wonders and mysteries and wisdom, for us to be witnesses of. For us to be revealed upon. For us to explore. For us to write about. For us to reflect upon.

I have a secret to tell you, whenever I am so overwhelmed, I retreat to this big world of library which I am the guardian of. I have lots of books that I am guarding. It is a kind of temple of books, and I am the temple keeper. I keep the books sacred, holy, clean and neatly labeled, identified and grouped. I am the temple keeper, I journal in that temple and I also reflect while being isolated in that wonderful sacred temple library. My work will never be finished because the books keep on coming and arriving and I have to pray over to keep them sacred and pure. There's a place I set aside for some tea and small snacks, all healthy and vegetarian friendly. I will invite you sometime when I have finally put the finishing touches on that wonderful tea room. You will be my honored guest.

I know our souls are entwined and deeply connected but sometimes I still miss you. The months are still long before the journey to the underworld again, before we are together in close proximity again, that's why I have this longing. 

Anyway, I keep you always in my heart and my mind.

Yours always.

Love and Lost and Tears

Take My Breath Away | Berlin

Through the hourglass, I saw you
Each time you slipped away
When the mirror crashed, I called you
And turned to hear you say
If only for today, I am unafraid

*

For the dear darling departed, you always have a place in my heart

Prayers

Praying for those who are loyal fans of this blog, thanks for visiting.

Life is a mystery and death even a deeper mystery

Deep prayers

Deep repentance

Deep sorrow 

Deep gratefulness

Life is a mystery

Death is even a deeper mystery

I will always be walking the universe of grief

Flowers to souls who departed, we are deeply grateful for touching our souls, touching our hearts, touching our minds. Hug our soul to keep us hanging in these trying times.

The lady of the dark road and brokenness continues to walk the universe of grief.

Everywhere

Again and again to appease the dear darling departed, I am sending a nice song for you over there.

Again and again, I sincerely apologize as I have completely forgotten the day today.

Again and again, the signs are unmistakable ~ the song, the letter about Ash Wednesday, the popular sticky rice dessert (purple and white and yellow) the undeniable symbols pointing to you and only you of course ~ I am sorry for the momentary lapse in my memory.

Again and again, I am honoring your day, my dear darling. 

Hugging you tight.

Have a good perfect day, time (whatever) wherever you are, in whatever dimension you are right now.

Everywhere | Michelle Branch

No matter where I go
I always feel you so

The beginning of going under

I go down to him, to his place, to his underworld armed with nothing but stories and songs, hymn and music, and poetry and words, most of all prayers. These implements are considerably and incredibly useless in front of his powers, but I have to try to survive and have to try to somehow try to flourish in his dark, evil, lonely place.

When the devil asks for his dues, we must give him the dues. Fully, completely willingly.

I carry faith with me all the time.

Notes from below 001

Diary entry as of 3:51

Licking, tasting and swallowing my dear darling nightmare

Diary entry as of 9:50

Alone again, naturally (G. O'Sullivan)

It seems to me that
There are more hearts
Broken in the world
That can't be mended
Left unattended

What do we do?

Diary entry as of 15:36

Missing my dear darling departed

Pag(ba)Balik Loob part 6

Hidden Place | Bjork

He's the beautifullest, fragilest
Still strong, dark and divine
And the littleness of his movements
Hides himself
He invents a charm that makes him invisible
Hides in the hair


Can I hide there too?
Hide in the hair of him
Seek solace
Sanctuary

***

To the darling shadow 💜

Notes to the otherside 077

Diary entry as of 5:06

Hugging my dear darling departed nightmare, cuddles and all the kisses for you, my love

Diary entry as of 10:19

Missing you so much my nightmare

Notes to the otherside 073

Diary entry as of 5:50

So the dear darling shadow nightmare is going to have a busy weekend, maybe the underworld is preparing for the busy season of halloween 😇

Diary entry as of 10:24

The numbering was weird, just corrected them all

Notes to the otherside 071

Diary entry as of 11:02

Dear darling nightmare, I love you 💜

Notes to the otherside 069

Diary entry as of 5:08

Morning my dear darling departed nightmare, hugging you tight

Diary entry as of 15:26

I feel you my dear darling nightmare

Pag(ba)Balik Loob part 4

Lorelei | Cocteau Twins

***

To make the ghost happy

Notes to the otherside 055

Diary entry as of 5:58

Good morning my dear darling nightmare 💛

Diary entry as of 11:21

To everyone who reads my blog, here's hoping that everybody is still doing well despite the struggles and upheavals of life 💛 hugs to all

Diary entry as of 18:16

Hoooooome

Diary entry as of 22:22

Hugs my nightmare, night

Notes to the otherside 054

Diary entry as of 8:51

Full moon weekend and solstice <3 cuddles to my nightmare

Diary entry as of 12:02

Sending sweet kisses and hugs to my nightmare

Diary entry as of 13:26

Is my ghost happy and satisfied right now?

Diary entry as of 18:19 

Hoooooome