It's gonna be a long long time

Rocket Man | Elton John

I'm a rocket man
Rocket man burnin' out his fuse up here alone

~

Burn brighter, dear darling departed

Late Post: Journal Entry for 27th

 

A realization and a prayer

I feel death so intensely today, I mean I am so used to feeling death, being aware of death and its signals and symbols, the emotional level, not really literal or tangible. I just know it is seeing me today. I have no idea why. I am always intensely aware of death, but this is actually higher notch than I have ever felt before. More intimately. More pulse by pulse, more step by step aware. 

Maybe nobody understands this. I too have a hard time understanding it.

Of course this day again, anyway, a prayer.

Deeply hoping and praying for calmness and understanding, faith and love. Emotions are hard to define these days, but always know that you are in my heart and my mind and my soul.

Hugs.

Of course, this day again

Don't Wanna Lose You | Gloria Estefan

So open your eyes
And see who I am
And not who you want for me to be
I am only myself, myself

***

Also, I want to add this visual journal I made for this day. 

Have a good time wherever realm you are dear darling departed.

A letter to H

Dear someone hiding in the dark shadows,

I miss you. I have been thinking more and more about you lately. Possibly intensely. I have been through so many challenges lately, I have no idea how I have survived until now. 

Some days are too dark, even a sliver of light is something I searched for endlessly, prayed for tirelessly, to inspire me to get up in the morning. Because this tiny sliver of light could really make a big difference in keeping my feet on the ground, head above my shoulders, faith in my heart ~ days are getting harder and harder to digest, dissect and to process. I learned painfully how to hold on to faith, even if it is something I still have to learn by heart step by step. My train of thought is something not easy to follow now. 

There are days when I wanted to just give up on journaling and see the act of writing as a waste of time. Sometimes, I feel like I live just to journal. The realities of life are as usual very difficult to bear, one challenge after another, seemingly no end to this dark phase, sometimes I don't even know how I still get up in the morning.

Surrender.

Faith.

Purity.

Big lessons. But I still hang on. I still try to believe. What do I believe? That the lessons will help me increase my wisdom. That life is about cultivation and about love and about purification. That I still feel the world has a lot of wonders and mysteries and wisdom, for us to be witnesses of. For us to be revealed upon. For us to explore. For us to write about. For us to reflect upon.

I have a secret to tell you, whenever I am so overwhelmed, I retreat to this big world of library which I am the guardian of. I have lots of books that I am guarding. It is a kind of temple of books, and I am the temple keeper. I keep the books sacred, holy, clean and neatly labeled, identified and grouped. I am the temple keeper, I journal in that temple and I also reflect while being isolated in that wonderful sacred temple library. My work will never be finished because the books keep on coming and arriving and I have to pray over to keep them sacred and pure. There's a place I set aside for some tea and small snacks, all healthy and vegetarian friendly. I will invite you sometime when I have finally put the finishing touches on that wonderful tea room. You will be my honored guest.

I know our souls are entwined and deeply connected but sometimes I still miss you. The months are still long before the journey to the underworld again, before we are together in close proximity again, that's why I have this longing. 

Anyway, I keep you always in my heart and my mind.

Yours always.

Love and Lost and Tears

Take My Breath Away | Berlin

Through the hourglass, I saw you
Each time you slipped away
When the mirror crashed, I called you
And turned to hear you say
If only for today, I am unafraid

*

For the dear darling departed, you always have a place in my heart

Prayers

Praying for those who are loyal fans of this blog, thanks for visiting.

Life is a mystery and death even a deeper mystery

Deep prayers

Deep repentance

Deep sorrow 

Deep gratefulness

Life is a mystery

Death is even a deeper mystery

I will always be walking the universe of grief

Flowers to souls who departed, we are deeply grateful for touching our souls, touching our hearts, touching our minds. Hug our soul to keep us hanging in these trying times.

The lady of the dark road and brokenness continues to walk the universe of grief.

Everywhere

Again and again to appease the dear darling departed, I am sending a nice song for you over there.

Again and again, I sincerely apologize as I have completely forgotten the day today.

Again and again, the signs are unmistakable ~ the song, the letter about Ash Wednesday, the popular sticky rice dessert (purple and white and yellow) the undeniable symbols pointing to you and only you of course ~ I am sorry for the momentary lapse in my memory.

Again and again, I am honoring your day, my dear darling. 

Hugging you tight.

Have a good perfect day, time (whatever) wherever you are, in whatever dimension you are right now.

Everywhere | Michelle Branch

No matter where I go
I always feel you so

The beginning of going under

I go down to him, to his place, to his underworld armed with nothing but stories and songs, hymn and music, and poetry and words, most of all prayers. These implements are considerably and incredibly useless in front of his powers, but I have to try to survive and have to try to somehow try to flourish in his dark, evil, lonely place.

When the devil asks for his dues, we must give him the dues. Fully, completely willingly.

I carry faith with me all the time.

Moods #87

By the pricking of my thumbs

Something wicked this way comes

Open locks

Whoever knocks

-Second Witch (Macbeth, 1623)

Can you feel it my lovely audience from all realms? It is in the air, isn't it? Something's coming, maybe it is change (for the better or for the worse, who knows?), perhaps it is the fruition of all our endeavors, or maybe the next chapter to this chaos, destruction, demolition (?) or the next chapter to this roller coaster journey which can reveal lots of hidden truths? 

I have no words for it, but surely it is coming. 

Moods #85

Bachelorette | Bjork

I'm a fountain of blood In the shape of a girl

***

To the brooding departed darling nightmare

Pag(ba)Balik Loob part 6

Hidden Place | Bjork

He's the beautifullest, fragilest
Still strong, dark and divine
And the littleness of his movements
Hides himself
He invents a charm that makes him invisible
Hides in the hair


Can I hide there too?
Hide in the hair of him
Seek solace
Sanctuary

***

To the darling shadow 💜

Notes to the otherside 077

Diary entry as of 5:06

Hugging my dear darling departed nightmare, cuddles and all the kisses for you, my love

Diary entry as of 10:19

Missing you so much my nightmare

For the darling departed

Notes to the otherside 075

Diary entry as of 4:16

Where's my popsicle? I am thirsty and is it clean?

Diary entry as of 10:18

Ouch?!

Notes to the otherside 070

Diary entry as of 9:36

Open the door for the scariest season of 2024, we are now approaching the last quarter of our year 2024, Oct to Dec, the dark shadow ones are once again part of our reality, hugging my dear darling shadow 💛

Diary entry as of 10:50

Truth is I’m somewhere between the madwoman locked away and the one with the degree who helps. Depends on the day I suppose! ~ Aliza Einhorn

100% agree, same here

Diary entry as of 14:23

This morning, I had a very vivid dream, I was living in a place in the middle of the ocean and I am visiting a place where a house is being built, a big house and the engineer is showing me the plan of the house, there was just one wall, as the house is just being built. The engineer is of course a shadow dark figure like a ghost, I am sure you know who that is. He plans to build a very big house in the middle of the ocean, like an isolated place right? And guess who will live there in that very isolated place, who else? Haha, that's why I am there right? Crazy dream.

Oh well within the dream, I am still living in another house, but also in the middle of the ocean, next to the place where the new house is being built. There was a phone in that house, and the caller really surprised me, it was Miles, my long lost friend who settled in Europe when she got married. She called me to say hello and to ask how I am doing! It was a relief to finally hear from her! I felt good hearing from her from my isolated house in the middle of the ocean! Perhaps she knows I am in the middle of the ocean haha!

Anyways, of course the isolation feeling continues. 

I hope the house that the engineer is building is sturdy enough to survive the ocean waves.

Diary entry as of 17:48

As the day closes, let's be grateful for another productive day. Praying for those in the typhoon's path.

Pag(ba)Balik Loob part 5

I will always love you | Lorelai Gilmore (Lauren Graham)

***

To those we have shared our heart and love and soul with,

 who are no longer with us, may they feel loved and cherished even in the afterlife 💚

Notes to the otherside 069

Diary entry as of 5:08

Morning my dear darling departed nightmare, hugging you tight

Diary entry as of 15:26

I feel you my dear darling nightmare

Pag(ba)Balik Loob part 4

Lorelei | Cocteau Twins

***

To make the ghost happy