Moods #12

 

Random-ness

It is just weeks into this grueling month but I feel deeply exhausted. The online classes with students are not easy at all, especially the paper work and all the scheduling. My time is very limited now, but my mind is equally conjuring different systems to make work more efficient. Sometimes, I've got a thousand things going on, incubating in my mind, I wonder how I keep my thread of sanity intact these days.

***

There are moments of clarity but then there are moments of extreme disconnect in my mind. I was so good at multi-tasking before, now it feels like I have to jumpstart my mind more often than not, is it the effect of the break given to us by the pandemic? The old selves were shed and we are now in the brave new world of the new self?

***

I don't know about other girls, but I find brooding men very sexy. However, there should be a limit to brooding, there should be a balance to being broody and being sweet. I don't know if it is natural for to men know how to balance it, but they should really find that fine line to make their women more into them. 

***

Sometimes, when you found a good student, you will finally have a reason to celebrate. It is like this, for example, you found a really interesting book but the book is a bit difficult for some other students so you don't use it with them. Days passed by and days turned into months, you still couldn't find that student who will perfectly understand that book, so you forgot about that book. But somehow eventually you come across a good student and in a quick moment of sweeping epiphany you realize 'so this is why I got that special book, it belongs to that one of a kind student'. Happy ending for both the book and the student.

***
I wonder why dreams are more vivid when I am under pressure. They are longer too. But I can't remember them anymore when I wake up.

***

I get bone-tired but when it rains, it is like my worries and tiredness were all washed away. Thank you rainfall. But please don't be too harsh and don't dump too much water, we pray that you will just give us enough water so our reservoir and dams will be filled up to tide us over to next year.

***

When can we go to the beach? I miss sitting on the sand and just watch the surf come and go. I miss being under the night sky while listening to the dance of the waves. When?

Please, let it be sooner

I miss UP

I miss BGC

I miss traveling 

😢😢😢

Still waiting for the day when I can travel and bring my big bag with me again. 

I am praying it will be soon,

please please please,

sooner

and never be

too 

far

away

Of afternoons and tea

I have always wanted to have my own little backyard farm where I can plant and harvest some veggies and some fruits. This video provides a vision of a lifestyle that I want to achieve eventually. 

Things to take note of:

Those jars, they are sorted well

Process of preservation

Drying, cutting, peeling fruits 

Simple country living

Mid-year book wishlist

Yes, this one, yes!

UK cover

US cover

ps. I like the UK cover more.
also, you can find an article about it here.

And oh, this one too:

^^

Last is:

Victorian style scrapbook illustration

I hope these jewels will find themselves into my bookshelf by the end of the year.
XoXo

Shift is coming

Celebrate the malleable reality
~ Jason Mraz

I read from a wise person that "In the depths of trouble we find the deepest resources we have"
I know that this is true. I believe it. But sometimes we just have a certain false idea of what is enough trouble. Sometimes fear just steps in and then we forget about faith. Now my birthday wish is that all of us will find that deepest resources within our hearts because it is just inside us all along. It will show us the path to solution, to abundance and to peace.

I have seriously considered shifting to another MA course. I do believe it is more in alignment to what I really want. If the road to greatness is full of suffering and isolation and loneliness, then I might as well follow the road that I truly want, the road worth all these pains. Greatness that resonates service and equality and harmony.

Before I end this entry, I would like to share this poem as my special gift to everyone, please find courage in these lines. I got this poem from here

Love came and emptied me of self by Abu-Said Abil-Kheir English version by Vraje Abramian

Love came and emptied me of self,
every vein and every pore,
made into a container to be filled by the Beloved.
Of me, only a name is left,
the rest is You my Friend, my Beloved.

Birthday wish

I want to go to Caramoan 

because of this

<3

Humming while trailing the path

How to keep Saturday an inspiring day:

1. Watch Studio Ghibli film (highly recommended: Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle, but actually all of them)

2. Listen to the ending song

3. Read the english subtitle of the song

4. Feel inspired 

That's exactly what I did and now I am sharing with you this song with english translation at the bottom.

Always with Me
--------------
Somewhere, a voice calls, in the depths of my heart
May I always be dreaming, the dreams that move my heart

So many tears of sadness, uncountable through and through
I know on the other side of them I'll find you

Everytime we fall down to the ground we look up to the blue sky above
We wake to it's blueness, as for the first time

Though the road is long and lonely and the end far away, out of sight
I can with these two arms embrace the light

As I bid farewell my heart stops, in tenderness I feel
My silent empty body begins to listen to what is real

The wonder of living, the wonder of dying
The wind, town, and flowers, we all dance one unity

Somewhere a voice calls in the depths of my heart
keep dreaming your dreams, don't ever let them part

Why speak of all your sadness or of life's painfull woes
Instead let the same lips sing a gentle song for you

The whispering voice, we never want to forget,
in each passing memory always there to guide you

When a miror has been broken, shattered pieces scattered on the ground
Glimpses of new life, reflected all around

Window of beginning, stillness, new light of the dawn
Let my silent, empty body be filled and reborn

No need to search outside, nor sail across the sea
Cause here shining inside me, it's right here inside me

I've found a brightness, it's always with me

Divine morning

Woke up to beautiful music that's calming and inspiring. And there was a light drizzle which met my sleepy window as I try to get up from my feathery bed before the sky lit up. A refreshing morning indeed. Leaves dancing at playful winds, birds chirping, plants abundant with morning dew, the earth gently and patiently hugging the rainwater. This is such a delight.

Flow. Amazing word, it can be used to both describe water and air. Movement and freedom. I must wake up early everyday to be greeted by these blessings.

So before the day gets busy and heavy, let's give a moment to convey our gratitude and love to the earth and to people around us and to all forms of life.

Namaste.

New Year: redefine

Happy new year to everyone who visits me here ^^
As I was walking down the high street and entered a stall, I heard this song which I haven't heard for so long now... this song was like 8 years ago, and when my ear caught the melody it magically transported me back to my college days. Then I started wondering about this kind of moment, unexpected yet magical -- a relic from the past (this time its music) can transport me back to nostalgic moment during my college days. Thoughts came flooding back, how I just went home after class, just worrying about my assignments, watching tv with parents, routinely watching music videos, just in bed reading books, ah that simple life.

New Year: redefine, yes my title above. Because its new year, it is part of my plan to redefine myself, my goals, my relationships and my role in the community. That by doing so, I can effectively define my identity and my self :)  This year for me will be a time to learn the discipline of riding the surf (metaphorically) of life. It needs constant practice, willingness and firm resolve. I must finish my core subjects in my Masterals this year. I want to be an efficient employee. I want to build a stronger relationship with my parents and brother and relatives. I want to spend more quality time with my friends. And I want to be able to contribute to my community however small yet. I want to pull these areas of my life together so I will be a complete me :) so there, these are the areas where I will put most of my life energy, I do hope to plant positivity in all of them. Furthermore, to go deeper in each of these areas so I can intimately connect to them.

And ah, wall climbing. The stall that I visited had a Power Up corner! Ah, I soooo miss wall climbing. As I watched kids do wall climb, I remembered my PE days. I feel the need to wall-climb again. And I must ^^

Oh well, life as it is, it just goes on and on and on ^^ so here, my friends, I share to you one of the music that defines a phase of my life. A happy, simple, nurturing, loving phase. Here, enjoy.

Jem | It's just a ride (2004)

Sending bright love to a remarkable year

Another year is coming to an end. And another is rushing forward to greet us all! This was a year full of letting go, moving on and scaling mountains (figuratively). But a rewarding year indeed.

So I am very thankful to everyone who gave their warmth, gentleness and love to me. And also I am grateful to people whom I gave my love and care and concern. May we all find year 2013 another year of abundance of positive thinking, of creating good nurturing relationships and of giving of ourselves to serve humanity and the earth.

May love and hope kindle our hearts as we pave the paths of our lives.

Blessings and faith to all of us.

The answer

I was a bit troubled yesterday, not sure why, maybe because of all the things happening around me: hell week, deadlines to meet, moving out, moving in, settling back to Cavite and finding new career, letting go of the old beliefs and making new connections. All these details were swimming in my head last night and they still do right now actually. Cannot really focus and I tend to float around, thinking of so many things, getting carried away, I have this feeling that I am not really where I am, my thoughts are racing and the crazy haze all around me makes everything confusing. So, I decided to take it easy and consult some wise guidance this is what I got:

Consider the path of COMMITMENT. A step forward for you would be to commit yourself to a relationship or cause. Do not take this pledge lightly.

Time to face reality I guess. Time to give myself a doze of back to reality tablet and start working on fixing stuffs. Now, I should start massive research,  I must consider and carefully plan huge methodological shift and begin to believe that somehow things will start getting back to normal. Now, I have to use this time to consider what that COMMITMENT should be.

Well, hello world! Been floating away lately but here I am now, I am so back and I need to do some major house cleaning, in and out! I know it will take a lot of energy and planning and frustration and disruptions but I am in for the long haul, so I'm on it. Bring it on!

Happy New Moon 

Things to do within my lifetime

I have been reading blogs this morning, looking for something to occupy my mind, then I saw this picture of Monastery on top of Himalayas mountain. It looks so heavenly and the fog makes me think that it is well, like a castle floating in the sky. To look at the majesty of this picture, please click on the link, this is from Matthieu Ricard's blog, a monk, http://www.matthieuricard.org/en/index.php/blog/77_magic_moments/

Back to my original intention, I want to write some of the things I need to do in my lifetime. It has been an old belief that once you announce something into the big universe, you might really get what you wish for. So universe, I thank you in advance.

1. Climb the Himalayas and personally look at the floating castle in the sky (Monastery on mountain top)
2. To plant 500 trees and more.
3. To embark on a journey that explores the themes of culture, language and music.
4. To encourage someone to give up eating meat for one month (or maybe more).
5. To write a book about environment, goddesses and journeying.

These will be all for now. Maybe I will add another batch on the list but I think this is enough for the time being.

In addition, please mark your calendars dear readers on September 24, let us join the international movement of finding solution in moving beyond fossil fuels. Enjoy the video. I am planning of biking!