Journey Essentials (tres) Living with pain

Don't you feel it? The melancholy of living? Of being inexplicably so alone in a very crowded coffee shop. Page after page, picture after picture, passage after passage, I am looking for something that will spark, maybe something to remind me that I am not alone and someone is willing to teach me where to look for clues as to what life really is.

I should learn to live with this pain, I am sure it will stay for a long while. This subtle, uncontrollable and deep pain that just drive me to tears when I reflect and when I am all alone. This alone feeling. This painful feeling of detachment. Of being cut from a source. This must be the pain of living. Of inability to be honestly intimate with someone because we are hopelessly separated from the beginning. Have you ever felt pain so profound that you know you will cry every waking moment and everytime you lie on bed to sleep.

This feeling of pain that is all consuming making those plans that push you to move forward before, that make you dream, that make you feel secure is now so small compared to this intense feeling of deep detachment from the source.

 

I have this idea that when we are deeply committed to inner reflection then we can be at peace with our pains and fears. Because perhaps we realise that pains and fears are part of our wholeness. When we recognise what pains us, we can search deep within to discover/invent cure that will help mitigate it. But for now, I am trapped in pain. Melancholy. This feeling that we cannot just shoo away. And I have this feeling it will stay for quite a while.