Ambivalent

My emotions are too fleeting and feeble

One moment I feel very attuned and then the next moment, it feels like I switched it off 

Like I am miles away from my warmth,

from my love

from my soul

Miles away even from myself

Then I got a call from my workmate and my attention focuses back to work

After two seconds, I remember I don't want to work whole week, I am burnt out, I want a break

Then the phone rings

the computer got an email

a colleague needs some documents

a paper needs to be signed

So I am swallowed back into office work

But like a fish with very little attention span

I remember you

So, I fumbled for my phone

I messaged you

Sweet nothings

Showing you I care

Taking time off to shoot you a quick message

Soft as a blink

I am sucked back into the office work whirlpool again

Now, I am staring back at this white page of my journal

Seeing you only you in my mind

Battling whether to go or not

Whether to travel or not

Whether

to 

turn the plan into 

reality

or 

not

Such ambivalence!

it doesn't help me at all

feeling so stuck

help me not feel so stuck

tell me what to do next

Tell me

.