Random thoughts

Here's a secret, there are times when I write posts for my blog like I have readers, but there are also times when I write just for the sake of. Just like this entry tonight.

I believe that we are all free to express ourselves, one form is that of writing. I write because it is my outlet. When my brain's too full, it is my habit to spill it to papers, but in this case, my blog. Words flow, echoing doubts, fears, self-criticism, hope, faith, self-redemption. All those processes kept my brain from focusing so i push my trusty fix-it button and then I begin to write. I write of my limitations, my agony, my guilt -- my pleasures, my hopes, my dreams, all of them safely tucked inside the pages of my volumes of diaries. 

Ohwell, lately my brain is being battered by all kinds of thoughts so I want to pour them out here too.

Been typing this one yesterday afternoon, might be that I was so affected by our discussion in my MA subject ancient Asia

I saw it and I know it is deep as well as high

Been feeling depressed lately and it is really long way down must be far and wide too. Too small, feeling confused too. But not really too much. Been telling myself there was a lesson in my undergraduate years about this religion ritual where they have to sacrifice virgin princesses. Then as the ritual was about to begin, there was a slight pause and the princess ran away. Nobody knows if she escaped and freed herself from the ritual or not. But the point is it is our basic instinct to preserve our life. It's our human instinct to save ourselves from impending danger. Now I am talking about it bec maybe it will help me in making decisions. It will help me shape my mind and my life. 

The way out is to create and to feel --- using experiences. To express my authentic self through arts and through my creations.

I also want to know what confucianism is and why Marx (in the Philosopher's Football) is demanding that Confucius has no free will?

*

And then existential questions kept bothering me this morning

How can we reconcile modern and ancient? Maybe that's basically the guiding question in my life right now. View things from a different perspective. It is maybe what that priestess was thinking about as she sought to escape from an unfair tradition.

Arts and emotions will rule my decisions and my perspectives. Maybe I can save as much from my sadness and despair. I will not be confrontational, I will just be the student of life, free to be taken everywhere. But these little drops of wisdom, I will take care close to my heart. Because one day it will grow to be a big picture for me and it will help me with my quest for truth. 

Consequences are present. So is our faith and rational thinking and compassion. Well maybe that's the universal. Or another question is what enables us to be reborn after death (metaphor) what forces are in action? Who are we? 

What connects us to life? What makes us human again after we are reduced to ashes? Common humanity? Instinct to survive? Quest for truth? What makes us persistent? What made us reach the other side? What drives us to continue living if we know that life is constant level up and constant challenges? Love I suppose. Because we are all one. How can I expand it? How can I understand it? You are me and I am you. What calls us back? Maybe love. It is not rational, cannot be anything that we can figure out. We just feel.

Harmony. Feelings. Emotions. Boundless.

Note:

I discovered Ancient Future ----> (bliss) *-*