Find your source of peace

My mind is all about peace and harmony today maybe the effect of chocolate, hehe, i bet. Actually, I have been digging music and poetry for a while now, looking for fuel to motivate and move my big plans. I am officially ending the three month hard toil of inner journey, of looking within myself for answers, of painful revision of principles that I thought fossilized at the walls and floors of my soul, of realigning of my goals with the values of love, equality, hope, healing and compassion guiding me from up above. I say this is not really easy journey. No vacation at all. I get so tired just by sitting still and thinking and reflecting about my past and present and future. At times it happens unconsciously thus giving me little energy left for outside world demands. Luckily, the sem ending is not so difficult, research papers were not so difficult because I was so interested about my topic. Needless to say it was one exhausting journey. Heartbreak after another. Defeat after another. Hard toil after another. There were times of just staying in bed. Times of utter isolation. Times of self-doubt and self-absorption and self-hate. I tried to put frustration level to a minimal by not setting big goals for me, but life sometimes finds me in my well kept hiding place and alas threw big sacks of responsibility after responsibility. Well, c'est la vie.

As much as I want to keep the three months away from my circle of friends and the general community, looking at my past diary entries, I think it was impossible. January and February were times of reuniting with good friends, meeting up after class and having tea. I say it was a good distraction from too much inner-self journey. Thanks to them. March, oh that month! gave me the hardest time. It was a time of vulnerability that I found myself not leaving house at all (or bed for that matter.) I checked and found out that it was a month where my digital diary yielded 23 file entries as opposed to 8 entries on Feb. Well statistics says it all. I must be very alone last month. And the quality of entries, the tone of them agreed to this observation as well.

On the third week of March, the tight feeling started to let loose. I was able to plan and meet up with friends with some sort of sanity and a semblance of normalcy. But I'll say it was also tough. When everything is changing from within, one cannot help but notice the inefficiency of the old structures (be it concept or thing or people's behaviours) and during those times I could not do something about it because action is not possible yet when ideas are not complete. Hence, I had an entry in this blog where I was talking about big methodological shift. The idea is really inspiring and I hope I am doing it right as I am starting to plant the seeds in rich and good soil. All these stuff in my mind and in my heart are deeply guarded because they are still little babies, little fragile seeds that I will nurture day in day out. My hope is that one day they will grow into sturdy big trees of principles and values inclined to serve the earth and people.

One word: intrepid. This might be the word of the year for me. Mmm, sounds good. As I said earlier, my mind is all about harmony, so I checked out paintings and yeah, I found a work of art that paints my mind right now.
I will share this wonderful painting of Venus and Mars from Louis-Jean-Francois Lagrenee.
May you find your source of peace today.

Mars and Venus, Allegory of Peace (Getty Museum) c 1770

Description of painting from The J Paul Getty Museum website

In this gentle allegory of peace by Louis Jean François Lagrenée, Mars, the Roman god of War, throws back the rich green bed curtains that frame the scene. As the drapery parts, the morning light spills in to reveal the form of the sleeping Venus, the Roman goddess of love. Mars gazes at her, utterly captivated by her beauty. Her love has tempered his fierce character, and his shield and sword lie abandoned on the floor. Echoing the lovers' bliss, a pair of white doves, symbolizing Peace, build a nest in Mars's helmet. 

Lagrenée created his finest works, including this small, jewel-like painting, around 1770. The lavish folds of drapery, the delicate play of light over fabric and skin, and the rich, restrained palette combine to create a captivatingly beautiful image.